Well folks, the slow, steady creep of socialism, fascism and all kinds of other bad isms has finally made it's way to Redneckville, Arkansas. Luckily for us though, we have a very strong local chapter of the Tea Party to protect us. Even if it kills us.
Our county commission struggled for months to come up with a new insurance plan for the areas of the county that are in a flood plain. Well, each time they met, the Tea Party folks were out in force to make sure no Socialism happened. The end results of course, is that they never passed a new plan.
So now, thanks to the Tea Party, there are lots of folks living in the flood plain who can't afford or even get flood insurance. Yes, they are required to carry flood insurance, but the Tea Party believes that these people are better off without any insurance at all than being in some filthy govt plan. No, none of the Tea Party people who forced this on everyone live in said flood plain. Why do you ask?
Anyway, after the flood insurance debacle the leader of the local Tea Party, who I'll just call Mr. Napoleon because he pretty much declared himself Tea Party Emperor, sent out a warning to both the county and city governments that “We'll be watching you.”
I immediately offered to help him out with that. What with my expert stalking skills and all, but he insists that he didn't mean it “that way.” Obviously a guy with his kind of political talent would be perfect for Michele Bachmann's campaign.
Well, our European loving socialist-like mayor is at it again. This is the man who brought the devil's juice to Boone County Arkansas in the last election. That being the approval by voters of the manufacture and sale of alcoholic beverages. So, as you can imagine, Mayor Mussolini isn't exactly the Tea Party's favorite guy.
Anyway, our mayor isn't happy with the state of our garbage collection in town. He's unhappy because the company contracted to do it is inefficient and charges residents too much. So, he is proposing that the city take over trash collection instead of contracting it out. *insert ominous Imperial March music here*
Not only does this crazy dude want to provide a service to the residents of Redneckville more efficiently and cheaper, he has a really radical idea of how to do it. He wants to use …. get this …. federal grants to pay for the equipment and get the whole thing started!! GASP!
But wait! It gets worse! He says that the city's trash collection system will include .. wait for it …. RECYCLING!!!! Just like them Nazi's did!
Well, needless to say the local Tea Party is having none of this. It's bad enough that he's making govt work for the people, but he's using federal money to do it. AND we all know that ALL federal money comes from the stimulus.
Folks, this is a town full of decent people. We do all our stimulating indoors, at night and with the blinds closed like good, decent, God-fearin' Americans!! What will the children think if we go along with this crazy-ass plan?
Hell, the next thing you know, Mayor Mussolini will propose that we allow beer sales at public events like Crawdad Days. Or even allow for the sale of liquor by the drink in town. DURING THE DAY! And, he might even propose allowing beer and wine sales on Sunday AKA: God's Day.
Oh wait. He already has proposed those things. God help us. I better get out of town before we all get turned to into pillars of salt. What does everyone think that flooding this spring was? It was obviously a warning from God that he isn't happy with our quaint, pure and innocent little town being turned into Sin City by this atheist mayor.
Only the Tea Party can save us now.
Jayman
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