Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Art with Jo

Editor's Note: Today is a very special day on the IWS Blog kids. Our very good friend, the insanely talented artist Jo Seaquist has agreed to do a guest post! We thank her and hope she will come back and post again soon.


Hello friends of Jay and Matt-Man! I was super excited when Jay invited me to do a guest post because I’m such a big fan of their social work and hot goodness. Thanks Guys, it’s an honor!

Jay suggested I talk about my life as an artist, but I feel that would be best expressed through a combination of puppet theatre and fire. So instead I thought it’d be fun to share some art tips & tricks. Then you can get started being an artist too, or just impress and alienate people at social gatherings.

Making Art.

Making art can be hard. But the Modernists made it look easy, and talked about it in complex, incomprehensible ways, and it was a big hit.
Tip #4: Refer to yourself and your art as modern. Also avant-garde, experimental, and visionary.
Trick #7: Throw some paint down. Give it a totally unrelated title.

The Anatomy of Clean: yesterday showering.

painting is fun


Variation: Photograph an object. Give it an unrelated title. Even better is an unrelated title that seems to be related.

sex shower go

cameras are awesome


Disassociation.

Artists tend not to think like normal people. If you’re well-adjusted you can get around this by picking any random thought-phrase-adjective-gerund and using that to title your creation. Warnings are Useless.

Trick #33: Stay awake for two days. Around Hour 30 you’ll get a rush and suspect you’re having the Best Thoughts Ever. This isn’t true. But these thoughts make great titles. Out of sandwiches this is the end.

Meaning.

What does it all mean? This is an essential question for artists. In fact, I’ve asked it at least five times since starting this post. If you’re asking it now, you might already be on the artist’s path. Are there unicorns, swirls of color, and airbrushed misty-things around you? If so, that’s the wrong path. Give yourself a hard slap and try again. Pain is an artist’s friend, so slapping yourself at any point can be useful.

Slapping someone else is inconvenient because you might get arrested, but also useful because jails are interesting. I’m making this Tip #87.

Tip #9: The meaning behind your work should be personal, problematic, and ideally painful, embarrassing, or ironic. It’s genius if you can hit all of them at once.
Trick #6: Exploit the suckyness in your life. Your toxic garbage = creative treasures.

Let’s try it.


Person: What was your inspiration?
You: We all take showers. We suffer and get left by neurotic lying whores and try to move on.
Person: So it’s about how we’re all alike?
You: It’s about our literal and figurative nakedness during the act of becoming clean, and how often this daily gesture prompts us to think about shame…what we can’t wash away.
Person: Wow. That’s….SO TRUE.
You: (Say nothing. Smoke or drink or think about sad puppies.)
(Tip #42: Be present while somewhere else, like Jesus. It’s intriguing. This really worked for Jesus.)
Person: You’re a genius.

Next up is how to handle those awkward moments with naked models. Do you know what I mean? Like when they start crying uncontrollably because, well, they’re hungry.

Oh darn, we’re out of time. Time is a not-for-hire harlot.
(Trick #21 Be astonishing.)

You should go make stuff. And if you start looking like this, you've totally got it.
xo jo

I heart Schiele

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Rick Santorum 2012: Because Unlike Politicians, Matt-Man Keeps His Word

There has been a rumor circulating through the tubes of the internets of late, that I, Matt-Man, on March 6th am going to turn my political beliefs on their head by proudly going to my voting location in Ohio, declaring myself a Republican,  and unabashedly casting my vote for Rick Santorum.

Well, let me tell you something, my dear friends of IWS…

The rumor is true, and…I am the one who started it.

Oh sure…

Some people claim that I am being flip.  I am doing this as a joke.  A gag.

Just trying to be comical by making fun of our precious right to vote which was granted to us and is protected for us by the brave men and women who died for us in order to have that right and so we may continue to have that right.

Well my friends, I say to those nay saying idiots…

You’re damn right!!

You know why?

Because this Presidential Election cycle has become the political punchline of a joke that burgeoned exponentially during the second Bill Clinton term that goes like this:

“What do you do to your opponent during an election?  Lie, distort, lie again, and pander in order to gain and/or hold on to your seat.  Ha Ha Ha Ha!!”

While there has always been pandering and deep schisms amongst Republicans and Democrats, the seriousness of our elections has raced to the bottom since ‘96, and today has reached the nadir of profundity, thought, and intellectual curiosity.

Now don’t get me wrong…I know that there have been, and always will be, bitter and ugly political campaigns, and frankly, I dig those, however…

In a bygone era, candidates from the two major parties vied for your vote in order to have a seat at the legislative table in order to pass a bill or two in which he or she believed.  Now?

Candidates from the two major parties legislate and campaign in order to spend their entire lifetimes at the peoples’ legislative table, while putting his or her and more importantly, their constituents’ beliefs aside.

They will legislate by avoiding crucial votes, being innocuous and/or flexible in their positions, and of course…

They will go on the attack as often, as dirty, and as wrongly as they need, in order to hold on to that cash cow of a job that is the career of a U.S. Representative…or Senator…or President.

Y’know?  This essay was intended to be a funny treatise about all the things I would have to change about myself once I became a Republican, and voted for Rick Santorum.

You know, things like…shaving…going to church…publicly hating gay people all the while hiring them to lick envelopes and having sex with them, but…

I guess, the joke about voting for Santorum that I perpetrated, backfired on me, and simply made me mad.

But, I am still going to switch from being an Independent to a Republican next Tuesday, and vote for Santorum.

Because while it was a joke, unlike the losers and panderers who run our nation, I will actually do what I promised to do.

No deflection.  No, “I was going to but…”.  No talk about, “the landscape” changing.

I said that I would vote for Santorum, and vote for Santorum I shall.

And who knows…Once I am officially, legally, and publicly declared a Republican, I may swing an invite to one of our area’s finer restaurants, or at least, score free tickets to a Tractor Pull.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

E-Mail:  neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter:  @mattmaniws

Girl on the Platform - Match.com Advert Spoof



The really pretty girl on the opposite platform is my cousin Hollie.

Monday, February 27, 2012

February Blows!!

February is perhaps the lousiest month contained within our dodecagonical timepiece we call, the calendar.

It sucks, or rather…it blooooooows.

Blows like a mutha.

February is windy.  It’s cold.  It’s gray and dull.

Windier than Chris Matthews…colder than the frozen tundra that exists between the thighs of Sarah Palin…grayer and more dull than Mitt Romney’s personality.

Other than the 7th which marks the birthday celebrations of two of the hippest people on earth, Chris Rock and yours truly, February is a life sucking, flat lining, twenty-eight day wasteland.

February has no soul, which is odd because it is also Black History Month.  You would think that a month devoted to the overblown, yet minor contributions to this nation by our black American friends would be a month that is dripping in soul.

Y’know?  A month like August.

Black History Month would be much mo’ better within the confines of August what with all the hot, steamy, days and humid, sultry nights.

With all that humidity n’ what not, we could not only talk about the contributions of black people in America, we could smell the dripping Jeri-Curl shit from off their collective ‘do while doing so.

If we held Black History Month in August, while I would still be subjected to watching Roots, The Medgar Evers Story, and reruns of Rerun from What’s Happening, the month-long torture would take place while enjoying some refreshing central air conditioning, and a burger fresh off the grill.

Seriously…If Black History Month wants to gain a foot hold among real Americans, i.e., WHITE Americans, I have a suggestion.

Anytime a TV station or network runs one of those silly, feel good, ten second long, Moments in Black History things…they could instead, simply put up a picture of MSNBC's Tamron Hall.

Like this one…

Or this one…

Yeah, if Tamron Hall was the Poster Vixen for Black History Month, February would be able to segregate itself from the rest of the months in spite of its otherwise dreariness, and ride in the front of the chronological bus to the mountain top of calendrical emancipation…

Mmmmmm, but?

February still sucks. It’s still windy, cold, gray, and dull.

At least this God-Awful month has but twenty-eight days, and today is the last one we shall see this year.

And for that, I am thankf---

Well, strip me naked and call me Ned Beatty…Beat me hard with a dildo and call me Sally…Call me Mitch Daniels and tell me not to run for President.

Matt-Man has just discovered that this year is a Leap Year, and we have an extra day in February…How typical.

Pope Gregory XIII wasn’t very gregarious when he invented his God Damn Gregorian Calendar!!  Just like when I was a neophyte altar boy lo those many years ago, the Catholics have screwed me again!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

Email:  neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter:  @mattmaniws

The Deserving Few

My opinion of the Oscars last night is pretty low.  I'd become the Oscars grinch right now but I'd rather share something wonderful instead.  The winner of the Best Animated Short last night was The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore.


Until this morning, I hadn't had the pleasure of watching this film.  Now that I have, I feel compelled to share with anyone and everyone it's utter perfection. It's heartbreakingly sweet and a wonderful ode to the beauty of the book.  The animation is lush, the characters are instantly bonded to you...I absolutely loved this.

Novak Djokovic Australian Open 2012 Wallpaper

Novak Djokovic Australian Open 2012 Wallpaper

Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer Photos

David Warner Wallpaper 2012

Love Quote Wallpaper

Facebook Quotation Wallpaper

New Italian Supercars 2012 Juliani Veela Specs

 Juliani Veela Supercars 2012 from Italian
Juliani Veela Engine Specs Supercar 2012 : ( www.carsworldblog.com )
  • Engine : V8 6.2L
  • Maximum Power : 520 bhp
  • Transmissions : 6 Speed Manual
  • Acceleration : 0 - 100 km/h on 3.7 seconds
  •  L x W x H : 4,550 mm x 1920 mm x 1,240 mm
  • Weight : 1,160 kg
 Juliani Veela Side Previews Supercars 2012
Rears Previews Italian Supercars Juliani Veela 2012

Sunday, February 26, 2012

New Supercars 2012 Dagger GT Superfast Specs

 Dagger GT Supercars 2012
Dagger GT Engine Specs :
  • Engine : Twin Turbo
  • Maximum Power : 2,000 ps
  • Torque : 2,710 Nm
  • Transmission : TranStar Mendeola 6 Speed
  • Acceleration : 0 - 100 km on 1.5 seconds 
  • Maximum Speed : 483km/h
  •  Price : $ 450,000
Source : www.solusimobil.com
 Side previews Dagger GT
Rears Preview Superfast Supercars Dagger GT

Arabian Crazy Stunts With 4 x 4 Double Cabin " Do'nt Try This At Home!!! "

Good Driving from Arabian
Crazy Driving From Arabian
Arabian Atraction Cars
Arabian Hot atraction Of Cars
Crazy Cars From Arabian
Arabian Crazy Stunts
Crazy Stunts Arabian Driving
Arabian Hot Stunts
Crazy Stunts From Arabian
Arabian Crazy Atraction cars

U.S.A President Cars Chrysler 300c Barrack Obama

Chrysler 300c milik presiden Amerika Serikat Barrack Obama adalah mobil termahal di versinya, mengingat harga pabrikannya berkisar $ 390,000 sedangkan milik orang nomor satu di Amerika ini dilego dengan harga $ 1 juta atau kalau dirupiahkan sekitar Rp 9 Miliar. Mobil ini dipakai oleh Barrack Obama dari tahun 2005 sampai tahun 2007, sebelum dia menggantinya dengan Ford Escape Hybrid. 

 Chrysler 300c Obama tampak depan
 Chrysler 300c Obama tampak samping
 Chrysler 300c Obama tampak belakang
 bagasi Chrysler 300c Obama
 Chrysler 300c Obama Interior
 Interior Mobil presiden Amerika Serikat Barrack Obama Chrysler 300c 


Iran President Ahmadinejad Cars Peugeot 504 '1977

Inilah mobil klasik Peugeot 504 tahun 1977 yang sangat fenomenal. Sekilas hanya terlihat seperti mobil biasa, namun anda mungkin tidak menyangka kalau mobil ini harganya benar-benar spektakuler yaitu, 1,5 juta pounsterling atau kalau di rupiahkan sekitar Rp 21 Miliar... waaoow sangat fantastis..!!!
Peugeot 504 tahun 1977 ini adalah mobil Presiden Iran Ahmadinejad yang terkenal itu. Akhir-akhir ini mobil Peugeot 504 tahun 1977 presiden Iran ini dilelang, dan dihargai dengan harga yang sangat mahal, bahkan mampu melebihi harga mobil mewah presiden Amerika Serikat Barrack Obama  Chrysler 300C  yang laku dengan harga $ 1 juta atau kalau dirupiahkan sekitar Rp 9 Miliar

 Peugeot 504 tampak depan tahun 1977 milik Presiden Iran Ahmadinejad 
Peugeot 504 tahun 1977 tampak belakang Ahmadinejad
 Source : www.gulfnews.com
Hasil dari pelelangan mobil ini rencananya akan digunakan untuk pembangunan 60.000 rumah untuk orang cacat dan perempuan miskin yang menghidupi keluarganya. hmmm benar - benar seorang pemimpin yang sangat bertanggung jawab..!!! jauh dari kemewahan, dan sangat peduli dengan rakyat yang dipimpinnya. Salut !!

The Adventures of Jay Noir


I was awakened first thing on a Sunday morning by the phone ringing. I was a terrible and depressing ring. One that told me right away there was trouble. My hangover was as big and nasty as Chris Christie, but I knew I had to answer the phone. And when I did, my worst fears were realized.

It was M.E.on the other end, something horrible had happened. Something so horrifying that there was only one person she could call. Her laptop was messed up. She was hysterical and hard to understand. I did my best to calm her down and get her to tell me what had happened, but it was no use. The best I could decipher was that her screen had shifted far to the right and was stuck there like the Republican Party.

I knew I had to act quickly. Time was of the essence. I told her I would come over and do the best I could, but made no promises. In my business you have to manage expectations. When dealing with old people and electronics anything is possible.

So had a bowl of Frosted Flakes with a tequila chaser and hopped into the shower. As I let the hot water flow over me like a river of regret I thought about where it all went wrong. In the movies men like me only got calls from classy but desperate broads with piles of money and long legs, not crazy old bats who wear bib overalls every day. I told myself there was no time to dwell on that any longer, I had work to do.

I headed out into the foreboding morning winds and cold. My Infiniti cutting through the air like a knife slicing through Billy Gardell’s blubber as the sounds of 70’s soft rock barely emanate over the high pitched whirring of the Japanese made engine. I raced along the Bypass like a hovercraft skimming along the water. The working girls and their pimps just stopped and stared as I passed and then stiffened as a chill ran down their spines. Everyone knew where I was going, and they felt the fear in the pit of their stomachs.

M.E’s house smelled like despair and Gold Bond Powder. The air was thick and stale like brownie that had been left out on a plate for a few days. I opened her laptop and the problem was right there in my face like a puss-oozing open sore on a stripper’s taint. I immediately recognized what needed to be done. I had gotten lucky, but it wasn’t without a price. M.E. was still sitting there firing questions at me like a tennis ball cannon and I was Jimmy Connors in his prime.

So, I fixed the problem with little effort. M.E. thanked me profusely. They always do. But, I wasn’t there for her thanks or adoration. I was there because it’s what I do. I fix people’s problems, and I move on. All while my own problems fester unattended like a rash near my balls that keeps getting aggravated by my tighty whities.

I moved on. Alone. That’s what I do. I headed down to the bar to hang out with my only friend, bourbon. I spent the afternoon sipping on a glass of Pappy Van Winkle reminding myself this is the life I’ve chosen.

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Babe of the Week: Hot Babes of the 80's


This week I’m With Stupid is celebrating the Babes of the 80’s as our Babe of the Week!

Susanna Hoffs

Michelle Pfeiffer

Samantha Fox

Lea Thompson

Phoebe Cates

--

And, be sure to check out our 80’s Extravaganza on I’m With Stupid last night. We talked music and movies and how much promise and hope our lives had back then. And of course we had a Pee Break with Schmoop segment where she sand a little Judas Priest! Totally awesome!

So put on your acid wash jeans and Members’ Only jackets and let’s have a really rad time! 


Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Friday, February 24, 2012

Matt Said, Jay Said XVII


Matt sgyrsiau, Jay sgyrsiau, You gwrando.

Matt: “Look, Tyra I told you it’s over. You gotta stop calling me.”
Jay: “Wha?”
Matt: “Oh it’s you.”
Jay: “Who did you expect?”
Matt: “Tyra Banks. Every couple of months she calls me begging me to take her back.”
Jay: “Poor Tyra.”
Matt: “I used to feel sorry for her, but she so needy.”
Jay: “Oh man. I hate that.”
Matt: “It’s just part of the struggle that is my life.”
Jay: “It ain’t easy being Matt.”
Matt: “True dat. True dat.”
Jay: “Mmmm-Hmmm”
Matt: “Yup”

Jay: “So how ya doing?”
Matt: “Awful. Just awful.”
Jay: “Awww. That sucks.”
Matt: “Yeah it does. This cold is kicking my ass.”
Jay: “It’s Al Gore’s fault.”
Matt: “How?”
Jay: “He created Global Warming. Warm winter means worse cold & flu season.”
Matt: “That fucking bastard.”
Jay: “I KNOW RIGHT? He totally caused this. I read it on the internet.”
Matt: “Well, I’d like to kick him in the balls.”
Jay: “He deserves it.”

Jay: “How’s the no bread thing going so far.”
Matt: “Not too bad. It’s early still though.”
Jay: “It’ll get old fast though.”
Matt: “True. How’s the walking and stuff going?”
Jay: “Not bad. Shoulders and arms are sore from the weights.”
Matt: “It’ll get better.”
Jay: “Hope so, I can barely type.”
Matt: “Do you listen to the theme from Rocky?”
Jay: “No, I listen to this: *plays “You make me feel like dancing” by Leo Sayer”
Matt: “Ha! Of course. And now I have to play that for Schmoop.”
Jay: “Folow it up with: *plays “Boogie Shoes” K.C & the Sunshine Band.”
Matt: “Okay, stop.”
Jay: “You don’t want to lay down the boogie and play that funky music White Boy?”
Matt: “Not at this time, no.”
Jay: “Okay, I guess.”

Matt: “So, we doing an 80’s Extravaganza this week?”
Jay: “Sounds like a great idea.”
Matt: “The 80’s so ruled.”
Jay: “Totally. Great memories!”
Matt: “Oh yeah. Great music, movies, hell, everything.”
Jay: “Wonderful time to be a live.”
Matt: “It was!”
Jay: “Okay, I’ll be so rad!”
Matt: “Totally awesome!”
Jay: “I’m stoked!”

So there you go. True genius as it happened in real time. More or less. And don’t forget to listen to our “80s Extravaganza” on Saturday at 11 PM ET on I’m With Stupid. It’s gonna be so awesome. Even more so if you’re there.

And, to get you into the mood, here is our Kick Ash Wednesday show that was really pretty freaking fun. We talked Ash Wednesday, Lent, Atheism, Veganism and all kinds of other stuff all while battling colds. We are true professionals and we do it all for YOU! 


Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Paddy Power -- Chav Tranquilizer (uncensored)

Happy Snowy Friday

 








(I don't know why but this made me laugh out loud)






all images blatantly stolen from the website that will in turn steal an hour (at least) of your life
http://iwastesomuchtime.com/index.php