Cruising the Internet Super-Highway in an Unmarked Car

Hey You!? Yeah you, hey!? I’m talking to you…

I’m Anonymous Social Media User and I have a few things to get off my chest…a chest by the way, that may or may not contain a rack of 44-Ds or well-chiseled Adonis-like pecs.

See? You don’t know what my chest looks like, because, well…I’m anonymous, and I fucking like it that way.

Oh sure, I may use an avatar or a picture showing nice cleavage or a muscle bound chest dripping in masculinity, but how can you be sure that that is really me?

Ha!! You can’t, because I am anonymous, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it, can you?

I’m naked as I type this post for IWS…or am I just saying that?

I could be wearing a leisure suit, or a Duran Duran concert t-shirt, or a house dress with a floral print depending on my sex, which of course…

You can’t be quite sure of, because as I have mentioned…I am anonymous.

I may be a man. I may be a woman. I may be 14. I may be 41. Who knows? No one…and I like it that way.

My true identity is hidden behind a façade of innocuous pictures, profiles, and personalities.

Sure, you can label me as a sad individual afraid of my spouse, my creditors, my boss, but really, I’m anonymous because it offers me the freedom to say whatever I want, whenever I want with no repercussions.

In fact…

It offers a win-win situation to me, an otherwise loathsome individual.

If people like what I say on say, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, or a blog, I tell myself:

“I am on a roll today.”

If they don’t like what I say, I tell myself:

“Screw them. They don’t hate me; they hate my anonymous persona.”

Either way…

I get the attention I so richly crave, and still get to maintain my mundane, yet comfortable lifestyle, hangout with the family, and don’t get looks of scorn from those with whom I attend church every Sunday.

You people who put it all out there and show yourselves? You are one stupid, un-anonymous, gaggle of broadband geese making fools of yourselves.

And me?

I can sit here plucking away on the keyboard of internet anonymity and love myself.

Or hate myself, because, well…I’m anonymous, and I fucking like it that way.

Sincerely (or not),

Anonymous Social Media User