Happy Hanukkah everyone and L’Chaim to all my friends of the Semitic ‘suasion. Mel Gibson here for I’m With Stupid with a Hanukkah message of hope and inspiration to all my brothers and sisters born from kosher loins and Jewish gestational juices.
I know that I have said some bad things about your misguided yet very personal and profound beliefs in the past, and as you did unto Jesus have killed my career over my words, however…I like Jesus, am here to resurrect myself.
I want to be in tune with your religion, so that I may grow to have a better understanding of what you and all the Hollywood agents believe, and therefore heal my soul, and more importantly…my career. So…
Uncork the Manischewitz and give a big blow on the shofar…for today is the first full day of Hanukkah. But because I care, I say to you my Jewish friends…be careful not to bump your big noses on the flute of the horn while blowing it, my brethren.
As part of my redemption and court-ordered sensitivity training, I have discovered what the magical beauty of Hanukkah is all about.
You see… Hanukkah for the Heebs is like Christmas for us normal people. We eat, drink, make merry, and give presents to one and other.
Sure, we Christians only get one day of celebration as opposed to the Jews who get eight, but well…that’s just shrewd business practice.
In fact, even though I am worth millions, I know that if I could get eight pieces of bacon for the price of one, I’d jump at the offer. Nothing wrong with beingunderhanded at times frugal. The story of Hanukkah itself is quite fascinating as well…
You see…Hanukkah is also known as the Festival of Lights. Centuries ago, some upstart Jews called the Maccabees, refused to pay retail for enough candle oil to burn for eight days inside of a recently defiled Temple. So…
They cut a deal with God, and our Almighty allowed the candle to burn for eight days. Miraculous!! Of course two centuries later, the Jews showed their gratitude and repayment of this miracle, by killing His only begotten Son. Which proves the following…
Give a Jew an ounce of candle oil, and he’ll take a gallon…OF YOUR ONLY OFFSPRING’S BLOOD!! Oy Vay!! Anyhoo…
In spite of my nasty walkabouts with those of Heebiosity, I am ready to make amends. And by that, I mean making movies that highlight the Jewish peoples…er people…er peoples. Whatever.
I was thinking of redoing the classic 1970 movie of the attack on Pearl Harbor and replacing the Japs with the Jews and calling it, “Torah!! Torah!! Torah!!”
I know that my balancing of anger against your ilk has far to go, but I think this could be a good start.
Of course… I need to convince Jerry Seinfeld to take the part played by Toshiro Mifune as Yamamoto.
Jay and Matt-Man will be celebrating Hanukkah today at 11 AM EST on the I’m With Stupid Radio Show so tune in today at 11 AM EST:
I'm With Stupid: Hump Day Hanukkah Hilarity
In the meantime, and in support of my efforts my to help the Jews out, bring me the heads of Antiochus IV and Holofernes.
Simply, and Yours in Vegemite,
Mel
Email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws
I know that I have said some bad things about your misguided yet very personal and profound beliefs in the past, and as you did unto Jesus have killed my career over my words, however…I like Jesus, am here to resurrect myself.
I want to be in tune with your religion, so that I may grow to have a better understanding of what you and all the Hollywood agents believe, and therefore heal my soul, and more importantly…my career. So…
Uncork the Manischewitz and give a big blow on the shofar…for today is the first full day of Hanukkah. But because I care, I say to you my Jewish friends…be careful not to bump your big noses on the flute of the horn while blowing it, my brethren.
As part of my redemption and court-ordered sensitivity training, I have discovered what the magical beauty of Hanukkah is all about.
You see… Hanukkah for the Heebs is like Christmas for us normal people. We eat, drink, make merry, and give presents to one and other.
Sure, we Christians only get one day of celebration as opposed to the Jews who get eight, but well…that’s just shrewd business practice.
In fact, even though I am worth millions, I know that if I could get eight pieces of bacon for the price of one, I’d jump at the offer. Nothing wrong with being
You see…Hanukkah is also known as the Festival of Lights. Centuries ago, some upstart Jews called the Maccabees, refused to pay retail for enough candle oil to burn for eight days inside of a recently defiled Temple. So…
They cut a deal with God, and our Almighty allowed the candle to burn for eight days. Miraculous!! Of course two centuries later, the Jews showed their gratitude and repayment of this miracle, by killing His only begotten Son. Which proves the following…
Give a Jew an ounce of candle oil, and he’ll take a gallon…OF YOUR ONLY OFFSPRING’S BLOOD!! Oy Vay!! Anyhoo…
In spite of my nasty walkabouts with those of Heebiosity, I am ready to make amends. And by that, I mean making movies that highlight the Jewish peoples…er people…er peoples. Whatever.
I know that my balancing of anger against your ilk has far to go, but I think this could be a good start.
Of course… I need to convince Jerry Seinfeld to take the part played by Toshiro Mifune as Yamamoto.
Jay and Matt-Man will be celebrating Hanukkah today at 11 AM EST on the I’m With Stupid Radio Show so tune in today at 11 AM EST:
I'm With Stupid: Hump Day Hanukkah Hilarity
In the meantime, and in support of my efforts my to help the Jews out, bring me the heads of Antiochus IV and Holofernes.
Simply, and Yours in Vegemite,
Mel
Email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws
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