Hello my fellow Americans. Mitt Romney here for I’m With Stupid.
I know what you are thinking, and trust me, I am currently and personally having a robust chortle, as you ask yourselves…
“What in blazes is former, barely well-to-do Massachusetts Governor, and GOP Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney doing on I’m With Stupid?”
Well let me tell you…
Even though I have recently brought Republicans together by winning both the Iowa Caucus and the New Hampshire Primary, many people still think I am but a self-serving man of fortunate lineage and vast wealth, who is out of touch with the majority of the American populous, all the while wanting to serve as President of this great nation.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Well…I should say…
Although I do want to be your President, I am nothing like the cold and stoic detached Ebenezer Scrooge type that the media, people like Newt Gingrich, along with some voters, and anti-Romney Super PACs make me out to be.
In fact my friends, I am so down with your pedestrian, yet hip common man sub-culture, that it’s scary to me. Golly Heck…I’ll bet you ten-thousand dollars that you probably know dozens of people just like me within your gated communities.
Yet, some think that I am incognizant of, and keep my distance from, the “little people”…Some think that I, being “okay” financially, have no clue as to what real, everyday Americans experience and or have experienced.
Let me tell you right here and now.
I, Mitt Romney, all my life sliding down the chutes of my father’s loins in order to have handed to me the grandiose of the American Dream, have also experienced what it is like to be…a rebel…a rascal…a boat rocker, and most importantly, a Common Man.
Every morning, just as you do, I put on my finely tailored English pants made of exceptional Falkland Islands wool, one leg at a time.
As I know most of you good parents still do today, I, while they were growing up, always half-jokingly reminded my kids about how I had to walk up three flights of stairs both ways to my lecture hall at the private, Cranbrook Preparatory School for Boys in Bloomfield Hills, MI.
I remember one time during my youthful days at Cranbrook that some of us rowdy “Dead End Kids” raised a ruckus over the appointment of a new schoolmaster by refusing to tie our ties into a Double Windsor knot.
LOL…We took it a step farther, when all heck broke out in the form of a spontaneous, and devil-may-care food fight in the dining room at lunch during final exams week. Let me tell you…The lobster and Foie gras we’re flying!!
When I came home for Christmas break, my mother was so angry with me, that she sent me to bed without dinner, and sent our man Paco off to the cleaners on Christmas Eve to rid my blazer of the shellfish residue.
Did I say Paco? Darn right I did…You see, we Romneys are multi-cultural and sensitive to all peoples regardless of their religion, political bent, or ethnicity.
Did I tell you that my dad, George Romney was born in Colonia Dublan, Mexico? I didn’t? Well, maybe I shouldn’t have, and let’s say we just forget about this part of my exposition.
I mean really…it’s not like it matters, so all in all we need not mention it again…unless…hey wait…
If I could spread this fact to all the Mexicans and blacks, who live in Section 8 housing, I cou--..? I think I’m on to something.
Listen Pablo, Jose, and Dre’ Cool …Just like you, I was born into and unto oppression, and just as I have overcome it, I will bring you along side of me when elected Mitt-Man-in-Chief.
There’s a Nor’Easter a-blowin’ on the political front and his name is Mitt. Forget Bain Capital, my J. Crew clothing, and my man-servants…
If you can push the votes my way, come January 2013 we’ll be sitting in the White House tossing back some 40’s of…
Cristal Champagne!!
I know my brothers, you would prefer some Steel Reserve, but, dang, I got to stay true to my roots.
Mitt Romney
email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
twitter: @mattmaniws
I know what you are thinking, and trust me, I am currently and personally having a robust chortle, as you ask yourselves…
“What in blazes is former, barely well-to-do Massachusetts Governor, and GOP Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney doing on I’m With Stupid?”
Well let me tell you…
Even though I have recently brought Republicans together by winning both the Iowa Caucus and the New Hampshire Primary, many people still think I am but a self-serving man of fortunate lineage and vast wealth, who is out of touch with the majority of the American populous, all the while wanting to serve as President of this great nation.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Well…I should say…
Although I do want to be your President, I am nothing like the cold and stoic detached Ebenezer Scrooge type that the media, people like Newt Gingrich, along with some voters, and anti-Romney Super PACs make me out to be.
In fact my friends, I am so down with your pedestrian, yet hip common man sub-culture, that it’s scary to me. Golly Heck…I’ll bet you ten-thousand dollars that you probably know dozens of people just like me within your gated communities.
Yet, some think that I am incognizant of, and keep my distance from, the “little people”…Some think that I, being “okay” financially, have no clue as to what real, everyday Americans experience and or have experienced.
Let me tell you right here and now.
I, Mitt Romney, all my life sliding down the chutes of my father’s loins in order to have handed to me the grandiose of the American Dream, have also experienced what it is like to be…a rebel…a rascal…a boat rocker, and most importantly, a Common Man.
Every morning, just as you do, I put on my finely tailored English pants made of exceptional Falkland Islands wool, one leg at a time.As I know most of you good parents still do today, I, while they were growing up, always half-jokingly reminded my kids about how I had to walk up three flights of stairs both ways to my lecture hall at the private, Cranbrook Preparatory School for Boys in Bloomfield Hills, MI.
I remember one time during my youthful days at Cranbrook that some of us rowdy “Dead End Kids” raised a ruckus over the appointment of a new schoolmaster by refusing to tie our ties into a Double Windsor knot.
LOL…We took it a step farther, when all heck broke out in the form of a spontaneous, and devil-may-care food fight in the dining room at lunch during final exams week. Let me tell you…The lobster and Foie gras we’re flying!!
When I came home for Christmas break, my mother was so angry with me, that she sent me to bed without dinner, and sent our man Paco off to the cleaners on Christmas Eve to rid my blazer of the shellfish residue.
Did I say Paco? Darn right I did…You see, we Romneys are multi-cultural and sensitive to all peoples regardless of their religion, political bent, or ethnicity.
Did I tell you that my dad, George Romney was born in Colonia Dublan, Mexico? I didn’t? Well, maybe I shouldn’t have, and let’s say we just forget about this part of my exposition.
I mean really…it’s not like it matters, so all in all we need not mention it again…unless…hey wait…
Listen Pablo, Jose, and Dre’ Cool …Just like you, I was born into and unto oppression, and just as I have overcome it, I will bring you along side of me when elected Mitt-Man-in-Chief.
There’s a Nor’Easter a-blowin’ on the political front and his name is Mitt. Forget Bain Capital, my J. Crew clothing, and my man-servants…
If you can push the votes my way, come January 2013 we’ll be sitting in the White House tossing back some 40’s of…
Cristal Champagne!!
I know my brothers, you would prefer some Steel Reserve, but, dang, I got to stay true to my roots.
Mitt Romney
email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
twitter: @mattmaniws
No comments:
Post a Comment