The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Sent to me, the arts student, by a bloke with an engineering degree. Ta Stuart.

Copper Wire

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, French scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the French: in the weeks that followed, American archaeologists dug to a depth of 20feet before finding traces of copper wire. Shortly afterwards, they published an article in the New York Times saying : "American archaeologists, having found traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the French."

A few weeks later, ‘The British Archaeological Society of Northern England’ reported the following: "After digging down to a depth of 33 feet in the Skipton area of North Yorkshire in 2011, Charlie Hardcastle, a self-taught amateur archaeologist, reported that he had found "absolutely fuck all". Charlie has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless.""

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

 "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

I was having a row with my wife over who was boss of the house, so I told her "From now on you will cook my dinner when I want it, you will iron my clothes without complaint, you will do the shopping and remember to ring me beer, and tonight I am going out to dinner with my friends and do you know who will be tying my shoelaces and straightening my tie ?"

She looked me squarely in the eye and said, "Yes, the undertaker."

Glasgow Wedding

Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding.

"Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant," says Jimmy. "A've got everythin' organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caurs, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night".

Archie nods approvingly.

"I've even bought a kilt to be married in!" continues Jimmy.

"A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "That's magic, you'll look pure smart in that. Whit's the tartan?"

"Och," says Jimmy, "A'd imagine she'll be in white.”
 
(Thanks to Barbara)