Hola Sports Fans! Former Boise St, Arkansas and Ole Miss football coach Houston Nutt here. I had to say “sports fans” because a decent Christian American such as me would never say the “Bitches.” Anyway, I’m fresh off being fired at Ole Miss and thought now would be a good time to do a guest post here on I’m With Stupid where my good buddy Jayman usually hangs out.
First, I’d just like to say that I have nothing but great memories from my days in Fayetteville, Arkansas coaching those Hogs. Man, those were some good times. Remember those days? Yeah, fun times kids. I was moving wide receivers to QB, and then moving QBs to tight end and tight ends to defensive lineman. Then, as a change of pace, I’d send the deep snapper out there to return a punt. Those guys always have great hands. Man, I was always crossing people up like that.
And, I don’t want to make any disparagin’ remarks towards the current coach Bobby Petrino, but if I were still the coach there, Arkansas wouldn’t have lost to LSU by a score of 41-17. Anyone who knows me knows that we would have either lost 24-23 on a missed extra point by one of the six place kickers I had on scholarship OR we would have lost 63-7. There wouldn’t be any of this hanging tough for three quarters and wearing down crap for me. The 24-23 score is really the more likely of the two though. I would have been the greatest moral victory in the history of the University of Arkansas.
Lots of people are wonderin’ what’s next for Houston Nutt. Well, I tell ya folks, I still have that fire burnin’ in ma belly to coach. There’s nothing like it, being out there watching the players run around the field, bumpin’ into guys, making plays, calling plays, designing my four page playbook including three pages of different draw plays. Man, there’s nothing more fun than calling a draw play and watching the white 260 lb fullback who is a converted left tackle go down after a one yard gain and running another 40 seconds off the clock when we’re behind by four points and have the ball in 3 and 18 at midfield with less than 2 minutes left. WOOOOO DOGGIES!
Of course, a lot of people like to call Ole Miss a “drinking school with a football problem” but I tell ya what, nobody in Oxford, MS filed a FOIA request to get my cell phone records like those loony guys in Arkansas did. See, there’s a positive to having a fan base that is fat, drunk and stupid. They might be pissed at me, but those lazy illiterate rednecks couldn’t do anything about if they wanted to.
If I decide not to coach anymore, I could always go into broadcasting. Now that Bob Davie is the new coach at New Mexico, there’s an opening for “Dumb ass who used to coach major college teams but sucked at it and will also suck at announcing but he got the job anyway” color commentator on ESPN’s Friday Night games. And I’m just the dumb ass to do it. Uh, wait. Well, anyway, I’d be great at it.
Announcing is a lot like coaching. Gotta work hard. Gotta prepare. Gotta get the whole team working together. ONE HEARTBEAT BABY! ONE HEARTBEAT!
Thanks for giving me this opportunity Jayman, I appreciate it and I appreciate you, and all the great IWS readers and listeners out there. Y’all are so special to me. God Bless Ya!
