Showing posts with label Beer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Beer. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Heat Wave 2012...Summer Safety Tips

Cheers Chuckleheads!!

As a widespread and profound heat wave is already gripping parts of the nation and about to exert its fiery grip on the Greater Bagwine, Ohio metroplex, I thought this would be a good time to provide a public service on behalf of IWS in the form of a few heat wave/summer fun safety tips.

Folks here in Bagwine freak out in the winter when an inch of snow is predicted, and some of us with a modicum of common sense refer to that type of thing as, “The White Death.”  So…

So since it’s summer and we are getting nothing but 24/7 local news coverage of the impending “dangerous” summer conditions, we shall refer to this summer sun induced panic as, “The Yellow Death.”

No, wait…That sounds more like an impending invasion by the Chinese and as we all know, America has nothing to fear from the Chinese, other than our own borrowing habits.  Let’s see…

We will call this heat wave, “The Orange Death.”  Yeah, I like that…or better yet…

Let’s make it sound all sexy, translate it into French, and call it, “La Mort d’Orange.”

Okay, now that sounds serious and yet artfully headline grabbing.  So to wit, and heretofore, I shall now offer some very good suggestions as to how to beat the near 100 degree heat over the next few days.

Fewer Clothes…
When the mercury is bursting through the top of a thermometer like a less than experienced teen boy’s Johnson at the site of a picture of Megan Fox naked, the clothes have to come off.  “Experts” will tell you to dress lightly in light-colored apparel.  Screw that stupid advice.

When the mercury is kissing the 100 degree mark, it’s time to shed your clothes completely.  Be advised however…For the health and well-being of others and in spite of your lack of dignity and self-respect, if you look like me, stay indoors with the blinds shut while walking around naked.  That’s both cool for you, and for others.

Stay Hydrated…
Your local TV newshounds always tell ya…“Stay hydrated by drinking plenty of water, Gatorade type stuff, but alcohol, is a no-no.”

Pfffffft.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  What is the number one go to item when battling summer’s inferno?  Damn right, an ice cold beer.  A cold beer will extinguish Mother Nature’s blast furnace quicker than anything else.  And…

If after ten or twelve beers you are still hot, simply drop the top on the convertible and take a speedy drive down a curvy country lane.  Paradise.

Tip Your Drive-Thru Attendants Well…
These Angels of Mercy who man the Drive-Thrus of Ohio will be smiling and sweating while attending to your thirsty needs.  The summer heat can take its toll on these lifters of the 30 packs, so even when only spending a couple of bucks on a pop, show your appreciation and leave a sizable tip of between 3-5 dollars when patronizing their establishments.

That may seem extreme, but just as the gratuity gets bigger at a restaurant when the party is larger, tips at a Drive-Thru should rise with the temperature and the Dew Point.

Take Care of Your Pets…
Our pets are some of the closest member of our families, so make certain that they have access to A/C or a fan, and have a comfortable place in which to rest. If you are away, make sure somebody can feed them, provide them with a good meal, and keep Fido and/or Toonces company.

Take Care of the Elderly…
Even the elderly close to us are sometimes an afterthought, however, during this extreme heat we need to keep them nearly foremost in our thoughts.

Sometimes due to fleas, mange, or just plain crabbiness, the elderly can wander off, so keep them on a short leash preferably tied to a shade tree or at least in a place around the yard the gets no direct sunlight between 2 and 4.  A bowl of fresh water would be a nice touch as well.  Although they can see the Lighthouse of Heaven blinking upon the horizon of life, the elderly still get thirsty just like you and I.

And there you have it folks…A few good heat wave tips that the losers on your local TV networks won’t mention.

This is the Matt-Man preparing for the impending heat wave as I get ready for today’s IWS Radio Show which airs LIVE today at 11 AM ET.  And, you can catch it LIVE by clicking HERE.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws

P.S.  Make sure you ask everyone, "Hot enough for ya?"  People enjoy knowing that you are concerned about their well-being.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

A Celebration of Beer ...


Last night on “I'm With Stupid” we celebrated one of the greatest inventions of all time. BEER! That's right kids, we talked all things beer. We talked about our favorite beers and what we actually drink because our favorites are fucking expensive. We talked domestics and imports and …

And then things all when haywire when we got a caller. Our newest friend and fan called in from the NASCAR races in Kentucky? Where in Kentucky? THIS. IS. SPARTAAAAAAAAAA! That's where. Anyway, apparently the beer flows freely at NASCAR races and our friend was taking advantage of the flow. She's a Bud Light girl, in case you were wondering. Anyway, thanks for calling from a NASCAR race and finally getting us some white listeners Shirley. You rocked!

Also, thanks to Mike for calling in for the after show portion of the show. Mike was as cool and smooth as always. He's the Dean Martin of I'm With Stupid listeners without the singing talent.

So anyway, if you'd like to listen, and I can't think of a reason why you wouldn't want to, you can do so using the handy dandy BTR Mystery Machine below or on the sidebar. Or just use the blogger mp3 player on your Google Reader at the bottom of this post.

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio


And, as always, we thank you for your support.  

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Cold Beer Here!!

Hi Kidz!!

It’s Saturday, so you know what that means…that’s right!!

Time to listen to Jayman and me on I’m With Stupid tonight at 6:30 PM EDT on Blog Talk Radio.

Tonight’s topic?



BEER!!

That’s right we are going to discuss our love for beer and all things beer related.

Jayman and I are even going to be doing the show while we both partake of a pint of Wild Irish Rose to make it exciting.

It’ll be like watching, or in this case, listening to, the Flying Wallendas.

You can listen to our show by clicking HERE and of course, you can always call our show by calling in at 661.244.9852.

Please join us tonight at 6:30 PM EDT for I’m With Stupid. And of course…

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
neshobadude@yahoo.com

Friday, July 8, 2011

No She's Not Retarded...She's HOT!!

Happy Friday, Chuckleheads!!

We had another IWS reader submission which is incredibly nice.  The more items you guys submit to us for publication, the fewer times you will have to listen to Jayman or myself.

Anyhoo and to wit...

IWS's fave resident scientist, Desert Rat sent us a picture of herself from her, shall we say, more formative years.

This picture is proof positive that neither the toxic levels associated with materials such as lead nor graphite can stunt the brilliance or hotness of a woman while growing up:


Upon viewing this picture, you may say to yourself...

"Sure, she looks like a bright woman who happened to let her inner geek out for a second, but where is this hotness you spoke of?"

Well my friends...In addition to being a scientist who also holds an MBA, the lovely Rat today, can more than adequately fill the role and the hold the title of, Pin-Up Girl:


Brilliance AND hotness?  Oh hell yeah, it can be done, and Rat is proof positive of that.

We want to thank Rat for sending along the pictures, and remember...

You can catch Jayman and myself tomorrow night on I'm With Stupid at 6:30 PM EDT on Blog Talk Radio.

You can access a link to our show page by clicking on our Radio tab at the top of this site, and you can catch all of our shows by utilizing the archive player on our right sidebar.

I'll be back later this evening with some information on tomorrow's show, but I can tell you now that tomorrow's IWS Radio show topic is....BEER!!

Thanks again to the uber-smart and sexy Rat, and to all of you...

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
neshobadude@yahoo.com
www.twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS