Matt's Top Fives

Cheer Bitches!!  Matt-Man here for IWS...

Now many of you know that Jayman did a series of lists yesterday highlighting his five top favorite things within a number of different categories of life, so...

Because he says that sharing this info is helpful in getting to know us, and well, it's an easy post to do...

I give you my five favorite things in many of the same categories that Jayman offered up yesterday.

Five Favorite Horror Movies:

1.  The Exorcist
2.  The Omen
3.  Dracula: Prince of Darkness (1966)
4.  Halloween
5.  The Screaming Skull (so bad, it’s good.)

Five Favorite TV Shows of All-Time:

1.  Seinfeld
2.  Fawlty Towers
3.  Star Trek (the original)
4.  Keeping Up Appearances
5.  M*A*S*H (the pre-Major Winchester years)

Five Favorite Comedy Movies:

1.  Napoleon Dynamite
2.  Young Frankenstein
3.  Airplane!
4.  Princess Bride
5.  Tommy Boy

Five Favorite Comedians:

1.  Chris Rock
2.  Denis Leary
3.  Joey Goodbar
4.  Steven Wright
5.  Andrew “Dice” Clay (see note for The Screaming Skull under Horror Movies)

Five Favorite Foods:

1.  Cheeseburgers/Loosemeat Sandwiches
2.  Liver and Onions (no, I’m not kidding)
3.  Pizza
4.  Crab Cakes
5.  Prime Rib…the rarer the better.

Five Favorite Beers:

1.  Steel Reserve
2.  Milwaukee’s Best Light
3.  Mickey’s Malt Liquor
4.  Amstel Light
5.  Harp

Five Favorite Vegetables:

1.  Potatoes
2.  Lima Beans
3.  Peas
4.  Carrots
5.  Spinach

Five Favorite Wines:

1.  Wild Irish Rose (Red)
2.  McWilliams Shiraz (2007)
3.  Wild Irish Rose (Wild Fruit with Ginseng)
4.  Gnarly Head
5.  Wild Irish Rose (Green Apple)

Five Favorite U.S. Presidents:

1.  James Madison
2.  Teddy Roosevelt
3.  Bill Clinton
4.  Thomas Jefferson
5.  Millard Fillmore

Five Favorite NFL Players of All-Time:

1.  John Riggins
2.  Anthony Munoz
3.  Darren Sproles
4.  Fred Cox
5.  Ken Stabler

Five Favorite Female Singers of All-Time:

1.  Dolores O’Riordan  (The Cranberries)
2.  Chrissie Hynde
3.  Dusty Springfield
4.  Pat Benatar
5.  Pink

Five Favorite Rock Bands of All-Time:

1.  The Cars
2.  Green Day
3.  Scorpions
4.  Lynyrd Skynyrd
5.  Moody Blues

What?  Neither Jayman nor I picked, The Beatles?  Fuck them…overrated Anglo hacks!!

Anyhoo…

Jayman and I covered the Chick-fil-A/Gay Marriage controversy on Blog Talk Radio Wednesday, and if you missed it live, you can catch all the hilarity and poignancy of our points by listening in archives via the BTR Fun Machine:

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com

@mattmaniws

Fear and Loathing in Redneckville ...

All I was going to do was sip on some of the Wild Irish Rose that Matt-Man sent me during the live recording of the I'm With Stupid podcast Saturday night. How much trouble could that cause?

More than you could ever imagine. If I were a stripper I would drink WIR instead of the traditional “stripper fuel” of Moscato or Red Bull and Vodka mixes.

There's fifteen minutes left in a forty-five minute show. I'm fine. I'll just stand up for a second. I'm on my cell phone, which was probably an even worse idea than the Rose, so I can walk around a bit during the “after show.” Okay, no walking around. Gotta get back into the chair.

My tongue is going numb. This isn't normal. Also, I finally figured out the taste. Cough syrup. Who needs to get all the shit for Purple Drank when you can just drink this shit. Did we say goodbye? Is the show over? Okay, I'll hang up now.

Maybe I should get something to eat. Right, I was planning on some shrimp cocktail for dinner with some rolls. I can handle that. The food will slow the explosive rise of the Rose and things will level off. The shrimp is much meatier than normal. Kinda chewy even. Much more flavorful than the last time. And the cocktail sauce! It's exquisite! The perfect combination of heat, horseradish and other ingredients covering up the blandness of the ketchup, but not so much that you can't taste it at all. Obviously kosher salt was used. Amazing given this is Best Choice cocktail sauces and not a name brand.

HOLY JESUS WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? Obviously, WIR is scientifically made to combine with cocktail sauce to at least triple the affects of the alcohol. The world is spinning out of control. Gotta hold onto my desk chair and make sure I don't fall off. Also, tweet. Just act normal and no one will know what's going on.

There are some saltines on the desk. Perfect. The flower in the cracker will act as an absorbent and will finally slow down the Wild Irish Rose raging out of control in my system. OH GOD! BEST FUCKING CRACKER I'VE EVER EATEN! And the saltiest. I didn't even know it was legal to make them that salty. These crackers have changed my life.

GUN SHOTS! Those were gun shots. I know they were. Maybe I should call 911. But wait. I can't. If I do they'll want to interview me. They'll conduct a full search of the my apt under the Patriot Act and will find the empty WIR bottle and my Tea Party bumper sticker. Then I'll be branded a subversive and whisked away during the middle of the night. Never to be heard from again.

Or worse. It might have been the cop in who lives in the building next to mine doing the shooting. The savage bastard might have exploded in an authoritarian rage at some smart ass punk and shot him. If I call 911 they'll get here before he can clean up the crime scene. Then he and his bastard cop friends will have to deal with me. And it won't be pretty.

Fuck it. I'm not even looking out the window. If I try I can convince myself it was just some kid shooting off what's left of his fireworks supply. Yeah, that's it. I'm sure of it now. But, I better turn the lights out and go undercover. Just to make sure.

You know what would be great right now? A Tony's frozen pepperoni pizza. God Dammit why didn't I plan for this possibility? I can't leave the apartment and run to Country Mart to get one because the cop next door probably hasn't cleaned up the crime scene yet. How 'bout a bowl of Frosted Flakes? Yeah, that'll work. The cold milk and sugar will combine to sooth my soul and allow me to sit here calmly and watch Roseanne Cash and Brandi Carlile on Austin City Limits and slowly drift off into to the Great Elsewhere.

Jayman

jayman3768@gmail.com

www.twitter.com/jayman_iws

Cold Beer Here!!

Hi Kidz!!

It’s Saturday, so you know what that means…that’s right!!

Time to listen to Jayman and me on I’m With Stupid tonight at 6:30 PM EDT on Blog Talk Radio.

Tonight’s topic?

BEER!!

That’s right we are going to discuss our love for beer and all things beer related.

Jayman and I are even going to be doing the show while we both partake of a pint of Wild Irish Rose to make it exciting.

It’ll be like watching, or in this case, listening to, the Flying Wallendas.

You can listen to our show by clicking HERE and of course, you can always call our show by calling in at 661.244.9852.

Please join us tonight at 6:30 PM EDT for I’m With Stupid. And of course…

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
neshobadude@yahoo.com

Taste Test ...

So, Matt-Man sent me a little package via UPS last week and in it was a bottle of his beloved Wild Irish Rose.  I decided that I would taste it for the first time on video and post it here. 

It actually surprised me. Sure, the first taste is a bit rough, but after that, it's not so bad. Anyway, here's the video:



Jayman
jayman3768@gmail.com
www.twitter.com/jayman_iws