February Blows!!

February is perhaps the lousiest month contained within our dodecagonical timepiece we call, the calendar.

It sucks, or rather…it blooooooows.

Blows like a mutha.

February is windy.  It’s cold.  It’s gray and dull.

Windier than Chris Matthews…colder than the frozen tundra that exists between the thighs of Sarah Palin…grayer and more dull than Mitt Romney’s personality.

Other than the 7th which marks the birthday celebrations of two of the hippest people on earth, Chris Rock and yours truly, February is a life sucking, flat lining, twenty-eight day wasteland.

February has no soul, which is odd because it is also Black History Month.  You would think that a month devoted to the overblown, yet minor contributions to this nation by our black American friends would be a month that is dripping in soul.

Y’know?  A month like August.

Black History Month would be much mo’ better within the confines of August what with all the hot, steamy, days and humid, sultry nights.

With all that humidity n’ what not, we could not only talk about the contributions of black people in America, we could smell the dripping Jeri-Curl shit from off their collective ‘do while doing so.

If we held Black History Month in August, while I would still be subjected to watching Roots, The Medgar Evers Story, and reruns of Rerun from What’s Happening, the month-long torture would take place while enjoying some refreshing central air conditioning, and a burger fresh off the grill.

Seriously…If Black History Month wants to gain a foot hold among real Americans, i.e., WHITE Americans, I have a suggestion.

Anytime a TV station or network runs one of those silly, feel good, ten second long, Moments in Black History things…they could instead, simply put up a picture of MSNBC's Tamron Hall.

Like this one…

Or this one…

Yeah, if Tamron Hall was the Poster Vixen for Black History Month, February would be able to segregate itself from the rest of the months in spite of its otherwise dreariness, and ride in the front of the chronological bus to the mountain top of calendrical emancipation…

Mmmmmm, but?

February still sucks. It’s still windy, cold, gray, and dull.

At least this God-Awful month has but twenty-eight days, and today is the last one we shall see this year.

And for that, I am thankf---

Well, strip me naked and call me Ned Beatty…Beat me hard with a dildo and call me Sally…Call me Mitch Daniels and tell me not to run for President.

Matt-Man has just discovered that this year is a Leap Year, and we have an extra day in February…How typical.

Pope Gregory XIII wasn’t very gregarious when he invented his God Damn Gregorian Calendar!!  Just like when I was a neophyte altar boy lo those many years ago, the Catholics have screwed me again!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

Email:  neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter:  @mattmaniws

IWS Babe of the Week: Aisha Tyler

Here at IWS Worldwide Media Empire we would like to officially celebrate Black History Month by naming Aisha Tyler our IWS Babe of the Week™! 

Most of you probably know Aisha from TV and her days on shows such as Friends, 24, Ghost Whisperer and of course Archer. But, did you know that she also went to Dartmouth? Oh yeah, she’s not only hawt, she’s freaking smart! 

Aaaaaaaaaand, as if that it’s enough she’s also a freaking hilarious stand-up comic. Aisha also has a GREAT podcast called Girl on Guythat is so damn much fun to listen to. Honestly, I’m not sure how we’ll ever top this one. Aisha is BY FAR the most awesome BotW yet! 

Malcolm Eckstein Speaks

Peace, Salam, and Shalom, bitches.

Malcolm Ramadan Eckstein here for I’m Wif Stupid.

Most y’alls probably aksin yoselfs, “Who the fuck is this crazy lookin nigga?”

Well…Taint none of yo Got Damn bizzness, but I’ll tell ya anyway.

I am the new Minority Affairs Correspondent for IWS, and I am one bad ass mutha-shut your mouf.  Ha, and sheeeeet.

Seriously my bruthas and sistas…Jayman and Matt-Man hired me to cover what many of you gated community livin mo-foes refer to as, “The Section 8 News.”

On top of that, IWS had no minorities on their staff, so what wif Black History Monf comin up, they thought they’d hire one.  And wif me, they get three minorities in one…a black man who is boaf a Muslim and a Jew.

Damn right, bitches.  Sammy Davis Cyclops, Jr. can kiss his own dead ass, cuz Malcolm Ramadan Eckstein is duh Holy Trinty of American minority statusizement.

Yeah…my momma was a white Muslim named A’isha, my grow-up daddy was a black Jew named Hiram, and my biological daddy?

His name was, State of Michigan #7689125.  Man, that is one whacked name to go through life wif.

I had a pretty good life for a kid who grew up in Detroit and was facing all of the mixed marriage and fucked up religious stigmatisizers.

My momma, who was a magician, would put in eight, and sometimes twelve hours a day, performing tricks at Bailey Lounge on the corner of Livernois Ave. and Webb St.

My relatively long-term daddy who loved me and raised me, worked as a commodities broker who specialized in aluminum futures.  And dig it, he worked hard and took his job seriously.

I remember some nights he’d come home after eleben hours of workin the streets during a hot Detroit summer day, and say to Momma…

“I sweat my ass off for these alabastard Gentiles only to discover that after a long ass day of recycling their shit, aluminum is down to twenty eight cents a pound.  Oy Fucking Vay, and pass the bitter herbs, and collard greens.”

Anyway…

I am emminetsly qualified to be the IWS Minority Affairs Correspondent.

I have been on this Earf for two score and a deuce and let me tell ya…in spite of growing up in the cushy confines of one of only two, two bedroom apartments in the projects, I have cred.

I grew up worshipping Allah AND Moses.  I grew up worshipping Suzanne Somers AND Lola Falana.  I grew up worshipping, Orange Pekoe Tea AND Manischewitz.

I am the Underdog-Uber-Man, and my name be Malcolm Ramadan Eckstein.  So say it, likes ya mean it, or Malcolm cut a bitch.

And by the way…That picture of me at the top?

Jayman and Matt-Man wanted a file photo of me, but I said, “Naw, Bitches, Naw.”

That portrait of me was done in 1994 by Ray Charles, and as we can all see…

For a blind dude, Ray was one badass, brushstrokin, mutha fucka.

I’ll be seeing you again soon during Black History Monf, and remember bitches, my initials are MRE, and as any good military ho knows…

That means…Meal Ready To Eat.  Uh-huh.

Yeah I said that, 
Malcolm Ecks

Email:  neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter:  @mattmaniws