It's Funny Time!

Last night Matt-Man and Jayman brought the funny. We told some of our favorite jokes of all time and it was non-stop hilarity!  We also talked about our favorite comedians and a bit about comedy in general. Like how important delivery is. Jayman is especially good at messing up and having to start over. PEOPLE LOVE THAT! 

Anyway, we told some all-time classics like…

The muffins were in the oven cooking away when one muffin turned to the one next to him and said “Is it hot in here, or is it just me?” The other muffin turned to him and said “OH MY GOD! A TALKING MUFFIN!!” 

Q: What do you call a black guy who flies a plane? A: The pilot! What are you? Fucking racist?

Q: Where can you hide extra cash from your Jewish wife?  A: Under the vacuum cleaner. 

And you know what? It just got funnier from there! So, take a few minutes out of your busy schedule and check it out. We would much appreciate it and it will put a smile on your face.

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

And, in keeping with the funny theme this week, I’m With Stupid has named Sarah Silverman our Babe of the Week! Sarah is one of the funniest, and hottest, comedians ever. Sarah is known for rather brash humor and her willingness to hit on controversial topics such as race, sex and religion. We here at  I’m With Stupid support this and welcome Sarah to her rightful place as BotW

Ginger Lee Doesn't Want Weiner ...

Hola Bitches!!

As you know, now FORMER congressman Anthony Weiner was involved in a truly despicable and outrageous twitter and Facebook sexting scandal recently. Well, one of his many innocent victims was none other than professional dancer, entertainer and concerned citizen Ginger Lee.

Aaaand, I just happened to have gotten my hands on the sexting conversation Weiner had with Ginger.* I decided in the interest of the public's right to know, I would publish it all here in it's entirety:

GL: “Our military action in Libya is a total violation of the War Powers Act. I'm so upset about this. Even in a “supporting role” we're still launching missiles and we're still engaged in military action.

AW: “Stop staring at my weapon!”

GL: “This is serious. I tried to call your office to formally complain about this.”

AW: “How did i miss this chance to rock your world by phone? Give me another chance!
Stalk me baby, very hot.”

GL: “That's sweet, but there's so much work that needs to be done. And the republicans don't give a shit about anything other huge tax cuts for the wealthy. It just pisses me off that they continue to claim that cutting taxes will actually INCREASE revenues and that all we need to do is make huge cuts in spending for programs for poor people and we can balance the budget that easily. Oh and all this bullshit that their plans will result in 5% annual growth for 10 solid fucking years. What bullshit! We've never had that kind of growth and we never will now that most of our manufacturing sector has been moved over seas. Not to mention that THAT kind of growth would require us to sustain unemployment near ZERO percent which we all know would result in runaway inflation! .. Uh .. Sorry I get a little carried away sometimes. Hope it doesn't bother you.”

AW: “It's making me hard.”

GL: “When you take the floor in tonight's debate will you PLEASE fight for women and try to stop the republicans from gutting funding for Planned Parenthood and women's health care?”

AW: “Tonight I'm just a man with a raging hard on”

GL: “I watched the video of your speech defending funding for 9/11 first responders.”

AW: “You watch it naked?”

GL: “No, but it made me think about...”

AW: interrupts “Thinking of my rock hard cock?”

GL: “Noooo silly! Think about how much passion you have for politics and fighting for people who can't fight for themselves.”

AW: “It gives me a huge bulge in my pants. Wanna see?”

GL: “What can I do to make your job better?”

AW: “Practice saying 'Ohhhh GOD, Anthony, I'm coming AGAIN!”

GL: “I'm trying to be serious. These are very serious issues and our country is in real trouble. All you can think about is sex.”

AW: “I'm horny a lot. Sorry”

GL: “Well you need to focus on channeling your energies into your job as congressman!”

AW: “You're right! What are you wearing? Are you getting off? Is your pussy wet?”

GL: “You know what? I'm just gonna call Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand. Maybe she'll care enough to help.”

AW: “OMG .. That's so hot! That'll give me something to spank it to.”

And there you have it folks. Ginger Lee, a very concerned citizen trying to get help for some very important issues from former Congressman Anthony Weiner, but all she got was disgusting, overtly sexual responses. Poor Ginger. Call me sweetie and I'll definitely talk politics with you and do what I can to help you.

Oh and here's a pic of Ginger Lee. But, only because it's possible that some of you guys have never heard of her...

Jayman

jayman3768@gmail.com

www.twitter.com/jayman_iws

Free Blu Ray Player for Prayers

Original ad:
Help me! I’m in desperate need of a Blu-ray player. I don’t have a lot of money so if you want to give me one for free, that would be great. In return I will say many prayers for you! Please e-mail me @ ***********@verizon.net

From Me to ***********@verizon.net:
Hey there,

I have an old Blu-Ray player I don’t use anymore. Are you interested?

Mike

From Cathy ******** to Me:

Yes I am very much interested! What brand is the player and is it free?

From Me to Cathy ********:

Cathy,

It is a Samsung player, and whether it is free or not depends on you…how many prayers are we talking about here?

Mike

From Cathy ******** to Me:

I will say many prayers for you!

From Me to Cathy ********:

Yeah, I got that. Specifically, how many prayers? This Blu-Ray player wasn’t cheap. I’m thinking, 50 Our Fathers and 50 Hail Marys every day for a year. Does that sound good?

Mike

From Cathy ******** to Me:

Mike, the quantity of prayers is not important – it is the sincerity and power of the prayer that matters. I will be genuinely thankful and show this through my prayers!

From Me to Cathy ********:

Sorry, but I’m not settling for anything less than 50 Our Fathers and 50 Hail Marys per day. The last guy I gave my plasma TV to gave me that “sincere prayer” crap but I don’t it worked at all. My wife’s breasts still aren’t bigger and my lottery tickets still aren’t winning. The only thing that matters is the amount of prayers that you say. It is your choice; 100 prayers a day or no blu-ray player.

Mike

From Cathy ******** to Me:

I think you are misunderstanding the purpose of prayer. Surely you can’t expect me to say that many prayers – it would take all day!

From Me to Cathy ********:

I’m willing to cut you a deal, Cathy. I’ll only ask for 50 prayers a day, but in return, you have to come say grace whenever I eat dinner. I’ll accept you saying grace for me over the phone if I happen to be eating at a drive-thru fast food place.

I’ll also throw in my copy of “Drag Me to Hell” on Blu-Ray.

Mike

From Cathy ******** to Me:

Please stop. You are being preposterous.

From Me to Cathy ********:

Cathy,

My apologies. I guess you are right, I am asking for a bit too much. Here’s what I’ll do. I’ll go by what my priest made me do the last time I confessed to stealing a Blu-Ray player. He made me say 20 Hail Marys and 10 Our Fathers, but I think the Our Fathers were because I pistol-whipped a guy while I was stealing it. Since I didn’t have to pistol-whip anyone this time, I’ll give it to you for only 20 Hail Marys. How does this sound? This is practically face value in prayer.

Mike

From Cathy ******** to Me:

Oh my lord, you have lost your mind! I will get a bluray player elsewhere.

Doesn't Get Any Fresher Than This

Doug Lansky Video:-- Dubious Achievements in Travel

The always hilarious Doug lansky put together the above video just to show how truley awful travel can be at times. The video also provides links to where you can purchase his book. Nice work, Doug.

Godzilla Attacks Bangkok!

Pilipinas Got Talent

This is beyond strange.



Bonus:
The Infamous "End of Publishing" Video

And the girl from "Faster Pussycat, Kill, Kill"

Sunday Funnies 3

Sunday Funnies 2

Sunday Funnies

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1797753

Big Ship Crashes Home Port

Big ship wants to park. No matter other ships are in the way. Looks like a scene in Asia, perhaps the Philippines? No matter, it's the same all over the world, the Big Guys always get their way.

BONUS: Amazing gymnastics!



Bacon or Beer? answers that eternal question on what to have for dinner in Jamacia. A very friendly and perhaps stoned Rasta answers your question and teaches you about the local lingo and inflection. Snoop Dog would be proud.

"Retro Animated Music Video"

What the hell is a "retro animated music video" you might ask. I don't know, but this short and fun video clip is a gas. Enjoy!

2009 Weird News Roundup

Less than 30 minutes on the net, and here's the strange and weird stuff I found. The Gawker list of best 2009 videos is worth checking out.



Digg Weirdest Stories of 2009

Boston Globe Big Picture 2009 (Part 1)

Buzz Feed Top Hilarious Headlines of 2009

Buzz Feed Top Screwy Political Protest Signs of 2009

Funniest Sports Photos of 2009



If you only have time to watch 1 video on this post, click the one below about the year in review according to Google Wave.



This is what happens to what's left of your mind when you watch too much Gawker TV. It ain't pretty.



All the Gawker selections, individual, to view before you are taken off to the insane asylum.

Once again, Gawker TV Top 100 for 2009. You have been warned.

RAPID CITY, S.D. — South Dakota authorities say a woman found passed out in a stolen delivery van earlier this month registered a blood alcohol content of .708 — nearly nine times the legal limit and a possible record for the state.

Meade County State’s Attorney Jesse Sondreal said Wednesday that 45-year-old Marguerite Engle was found slumped over the van’s steering wheel along a highway on Dec. 1.

He says the highest blood alcohol content state chemists he spoke with could recall was a .56. The state’s legal limit is .08.

Authorities say Engle missed an initial court hearing Dec. 15, but that they found her Monday in another stolen vehicle, and that she had been drinking.

She was being held on two counts of driving under the influence. It wasn’t immediately clear if she was facing other charges.

Her attorney declined comment.

Why guys don't understand "chicks."



Rick Warren, American Christian Radical Fundamentalist, Needs Your Money to Save His Ass.

Evangelical pastor Rick Warren is begging parishioners at his Southern California megachurch to cough up $900,000 before Jan. 1 to keep the parish out of the red. In an urgent letter posted on the Saddleback Church Web site on Wednesday, Warren says expenses are up because parishioners are out of work and ''the bottom dropped out'' when year-end donations dropped dramatically.

He asks parishioners to donate before the new year to keep the Orange County church out of debt. A spokeswoman for Warren said the church does not release financial details, so it's difficult to put the $900,000 shortfall in context.

Photoshop Blunder: The Ghost Ship with No Reflection. Back to school for this Photoshop wizard!

Getting Ready for New Years Eve

He survived this three bottle trick. I'm amazed he didn't immediately collapse and go into a coma. Remember kids, don't try this at home.

The Jib Jab Review of 2009

As usual, another hilarious video from the good folks at Jib Jab.

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Stop-Motion Video Animation by ESCP Europe Students

A super cool stop-motion animated video made by over 300 students at ESCP Europe to help promote the school in a “fun, imaginative and entertaining way”. They are so optimistic about their futures, that future disappointments and failures will probably crush them all. But in the meantime, enjoy the heady highs of life in college.

Videos, LA Gang Tours, Free Air Tickets

Two videos. One is the world's luckiest railway inspector, the other about those crazy people in Canada. Both hilarious.





LA Gang Tours is a bit pricey at $65, but it's certainly the most unique tour in the history of the city. A few of the highlights:

LOS ANGELES COUNTY JAIL, the unofficial jail to over 120,000 gang members! There are over 20,000 inmates housed in the world’s largest jail at any given time. It is staffed by the world’s largest Sheriff’s Department.

Famous inmates include:

•Football star turned actor O.J. Simpson
•Actor Robert Blake (My Gang the Little Rascals; Beretta)
•Actor Robert Downey Jr. (Soloist;)
•Recording artist Rick James (well known for his 70's top ten hit Super Freak)
•The Night Stalker, Richard Ramirez
•Producer Surge Knight (produced such stars as Snoop Doggy Dog, Tupac Shukur and Dr. Dre.)
•Socialite Paris Hilton is a registered visitor of the LACO jail system

-------------------------------------------------

THE LOS ANGELES RIVER BED, home to some of Los Angeles most prolific tagging crews. See the world’s largest and costliest tag ever. Over 2,000 ft. long and 3 stories high with an estimated cleanup cost $3.7 million! A brief tagging class on the origin and different style of tagging and L.A. graffiti will be given. Experience and see a town (Art District) that made graffiti part of their landscape by legalizing tagging and graffiti.

Home to such film locations as:

•Terminator, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger
•The Fast and the Furious
•Grease, starring John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John
•Transformers
•and more!

-------------------------------------------

METROPOLOLITAN DETENTION CENTER. Los Angeles is the bank robbery capital of the world. Visit the infamous Metropolitan Dentention Center, which houses the many convicted bank robbers. The Metropolitan detention Center is managed by the Federal Bureau of Prisons, the very agency that housed the notorious gang lord Al Capone.

--------------------------------------------

SKID ROW. Out of approximately 90,000 homeless people in Los Angeles, 15,000-20,000 spend each night on Skid Row. Skid Row is a ten square block at the center of downtown Los Angeles and has been featured in the movie The Soloist, starring Oscar nominated actors Robert Downy Jr. and Jamie Foxx.

-------------------------------------------

PUEBLOS HOUSING PROJECT is the first all-black housing project of Los Angeles and is birthplace to one of the oldest blood gangs in Los Angeles — the Pueblos Bishop Bloods.

----------------------------------------

THE SYMBIONESE LIBERATION ARMY SHOOT OUT is one of the largest gun battles in American history. Six people were killed when over 10,000 bullets were fired.

------------------------------------------

FLORENCIA 13 is one of the oldest and most notorious gangs in South Central and was involved in the Zoot Suit Riots of the 1940's.

--------------------------------------------

BLACK PANTHER PARTY. Birthplace of the LA Chapter of the Black Panther Party of the 60's and 70's — recruited heavily from a street gang called the Slausons.

--------------------------------------------

FLORENCE DISTRICT. Lay witness to an area where two of the largest and most notorious gangs of Los Angeles engaged in a gang war that escalated into what many say became a race war. The media used sensationalized words like “ethnic cleansing” giving it one of the highest murder rates in the nation during that period.

------------------------------------------

FLORENCE AVE is the street that led to the site of the costliest riot and civil disturbance outside of the Civil War — The LA Riots.

------------------------------------

FIRESTONE SHERIFF STATION. Visit the infamous Firestone Sheriff Station that was the command center for the National Guard during the Watts Riots.

-------------------------------------------

JORDAN DOWNS HOUSING PROJECT is home to the notorious Grape Street Watts Crip Gang, featured in the film Concrete Jungle; the movie Colors, starring Robert Duval and Sean Penn, and the award winning film Crips and Bloods Made In America.

-------------------------------

HALL OF JUSTICE JAIL was built in 1925 and a has housed some of Americas most notorious gangsters.

•Bugsy Siegel, mobster who built the flamingo hotel of Las Vegas
•Mickey Cohen, flamboyant Los Angeles gangster who worked with Al Capone and his brother in Chicago before making Los Angeles his home
•Awarding winning actor Robert Mitchum
•Convicted serial killer, Charles Manson
•Charles Manson and presidential candidate Robert Kennedy assassinator
"sirhan sirhan"
•Autopsies preformed at the Hall of justice include actress Marilyn Monroe and presidential nominee Robert Kennedy

------------------------------------

PICO UNION GRAFF LAB (Graffiti Lab) – Here you will see all kinds of incredible graffiti artists painting and displaying their work. Each week is different with many kinds of styles and artists. Lunch will also be offered here and customers will have a chance to interact with those in the community. Special guests may include: gang intervention workers, former gang members, etc. who have all experienced the inner-city life of LA.

And, finally:
CrynAir is offering 1 million free airline tickets on their website. Act fast!

How to Make Tequila Cookies

Here's a report and secret recipe to make the world's most delicious cookies:

Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup or brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, Check the Cuervoagain, to be sure it is of the highest quality, Pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter In a large fluffy bowl.

Add one peastoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it’s best to make sure the Cuervo is still ok, try another Cup just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup Of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit off the floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry It loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves A sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can Find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall Over.

Don’t forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the wishdasher.

The Muppets Sing "Ringing of the Bells"

The Muppets sing "Ringing of the Bells," an excellent way to get in the holiday spirits. Extreme cute overload in just 73 seconds. Go ahead, you know you need some uplifting cheer.

Christmas Party Memo

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 1, 2009
RE: Gala Christmas Party

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols… feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family, Patty

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 2, 2009
RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we’re calling it our “Holiday Party.” The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family, Patty

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3, 2009
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn’t sign your name..

I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, “AA Only”, you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody? And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED. Patty

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 4, 2009
RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men’s table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh “low sugar” fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply “no sugar” desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Fucking Employees
DATE: December 5, 2009
RE: The Fucking Holiday Party

I’ve had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW!

The rest of you fucking wierdos can kiss my ass. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The Bitch from Hell!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 6, 2009
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her recent nervous breakdown and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her at the asylum. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Whatever! Joan