Kim Jong Il Is Dead, But His Legacy Trumps All

The world of misanthropes, starvation artists, and dictators is awash in sadness these days as they mourn the loss of one of their own, in the form of the once aspirating, lively body, and sharp, wacky mind of now dead as a DMZ, North Korean President, Kim Jong Il.

I feel badly for Kimmy…As far as dictators go, he had no staying power. He only lasted seventeen years.

His legacy will pale in comparison to the likes of Gaddafi, Ceausescu, Castro, and Mussolini, however…

Kim Jong Il had one thing that those arbiters of animalistic autocracy never had…

A sense of the common man.

When Kim Jong Il wasn’t caught on State-Run TV being the greatest athlete in the world, or brutalizing innocent people into submission, he loved music, movies, loose women, and booze.

It’s as though he was Bruce Jenner, Jerry Sandusky, and Mickey Rourke rolled into one.

In other words, Kim Jong Il, was so damn American by nature, that whenever I watched video of a North Korean missile fire test, I didn’t see nuclear escalation and proliferation; I saw the rockets red glare and the bombs bursting in air. In fact…

I always thought of Kim Jong Il as the James Madison of the Korean peninsula, and I have no doubt that the North Korean flag being red, white, and blue isn’t merely an ironic coincidence.

And while many may chuckle at the thought of its improbability, I’m sure that somewhere on the outskirts of Pyongyang, lies a well protected collective wheat farm full of amber waves of grain…grain of which the unappreciative tongues of millions of North Koreans rightly so, shall never taste.

I am saddened at the loss of this great man, but I do not write this essay in the musings of a mournful man. I write this in hopes of continuing Kim Jong Il’s works of American exceptionalism that have taken place above the 38th Parallel.

With his passing, North Korea finds herself in the throes of a fight between Demagoguery and Democracy…between the military and the masses…between Bok Choy and buttered corn.

An American…an American as red, white, and blue as Kim Jong Il was, and the North Korean flag is still, needs to take on the risk of a DPRK military assassination, the bitter taste of dog meat, and the ability to turn his or her back on the histrionic and overplayed suffering of the North Korean people.

That American?

The only American whose ego is that of Kim Jong Il’s. The only person who wants to be President of this country, but never will be.

The only American I know who would suffer the world’s sling and arrows, humiliation, and mockery in order to bring North Korea into the 21st Century while bringing himself back into relevance…

Donald Trump.

While I believe that no one will ever completely fill the All-American platform shoes of Kim Jong Il…North Korea’s last, best hope of elevating itself into a century of peace and prosperity, lies within the soles of Donald Trump’s Tistoni shoes.

Godspeed Donald Trump, Godspeed. Bring unto North Korea, a future of kimchi pots brimming with success and shiny, happy, short people.

Haeng un eul bin da !!

Matt-Man

e-mail: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter: @mattmaniws

Korean Video Parody

Hilarious, foot stomping parody entitled "I'm a Korean." Starring Lil' Kimmie and a cast of thousands.

North Korea Hotel Makeover

I guess it had to happen. After years of ridicule, the Ryugyong Hotel in North Korea has been madeover with a shiny new glass facade on one side. The Sydney Morning Herald reports on the makeover, though no one expects this architectural monstrosity to every open.

A towering North Korean hotel which Esquire magazine once dubbed "the worst building in the history of mankind" has come back to life with a facade of shiny glass windows affixed to one side of the concrete monolith.

But few expect the North will ever finish construction of its 105-storey Ryugyong Hotel, started in 1987 and halted for 16 years because it could have bankrupted the destitute state.

"The hotel doesn't look as shoddy as it once did, probably because of the reflective glass," said a member of a civic group in South Korea that recently returned from a visit to the North.

The 330-metre tall hotel dominating the Pyongyang skyline consists of three wings rising at 75 degree angles capped by several floors arranged in rings supposed to hold five revolving restaurants and an observation deck.

Foreign residents of Pyongyang contacted in Seoul said Egypt's Orascom group began renovations last year.

The peak of the 3000-room hotel, in a country that permits few foreigners to visit, is encircled in new rings of shiny steel. Mirrored glass has yet to be affixed to the other sides of the muddish-grey concrete structure, foreigner visitors said.

"North Koreans told me that you put the glass on one side and if all goes well and looks fine, you then continue on to the others," the civic group member said.

Analysts said the North was likely sprucing up the Ryugyong's facade as part of a campaign to try to turn the state into a "great and prosperous nation" by 2012.

The communist North started construction in a suspected fit of jealousy at South Korea, which was about to host the 1988 Summer Olympics and show off to the world the success of its rapidly developing economy.

But by 1992, worked was halted. The North's main benefactor the Soviet Union had dissolved the previous year and funding for the hotel dried up.

As the North's economy took a deeper turn for the worse in the 1990s, the empty shell became a symbol of the country's failure, earning the nicknames "Hotel of Doom" and "Phantom Hotel."

For a time, the North airbrushed images of the Ryugyong Hotel from photographs.

Architects said there were questions raised about whether the hotel, which has never opened for guests, was structurally sound and a few believed completing the building could cause it to collapse.

Estimates published in South Korean have put the costs of completing the hotel and making it structurally sound at as much as US$2 billion (A$2.34 billion), more than 10 per cent of the North's yearly gross domestic product.

North Korea Releases American Journalists

They are coming home! Many thanks to Bill Clinton and everybody else for their efforts.

Facebook page that kept the issue alive.

New York Times reports on this wonderful moment.

Clinton Visits North Korea

Clinton visits North Korea to seek the release of two journalists. Yahoo News has the story and over 100 photos of the visit and other North Korea clips, including the three above. Way to go Bill, we've all got our fingers crossed.

North Korea Google Map Project

North Korea may have appointed a new great leader (honorific title to be determined later), but of more immediate fascination is the new Google Map with lables to help you understand the secrecy of the hermit kingdom.

North Korea has a reputation as one of the most secretive, authoritarian, repressive countries in the world. But that doesn't stop Curtis Melvin, a PhD student at George Mason University, from trying to shine some light into the country's dark corners.

Using knowledge gleaned from his own trips to North Korea, as well as tips from many others who have visited, Curtis and his crew of civilian spies have managed to plot into Google Maps previously unknown sites in North Korea such as secret prison camps, vast burial mounds, and missile storage facilities. His interactive project, called "North Korea Uncovered," has literally thousands of entries and is the most exhaustive map of North Korea to date.

The Wall Street Journal recently had a front-page article about Curtis' project called "Gulags, Nukes and a Water Slide: Citizen Spies Lift North Korea's Veil." "Mr. Melvin and his correspondents have plotted out what they say is much of the country's transportation network and electrical grid, and many of its military bases," according to the article. "They've spotted what they believe are mass graves created in the 1995-98 famine that killed an estimated two million people. The vast complexes of Mr. Kim and other North Korean leaders are visible, with palatial homes, pools, even a water slide."

The fascinating map is available for download here. MSNBC's Rachel Maddow recently chatted with Curtis about the project here. Gadling's own first-person coverage of the secretive country, "Infiltrating North Korea," is here.

Gadling

Laura Ling and Euna Lee Detained in North Korea

SFist has details on the upcoming trial of Ling and Lee in North Korea, with TV appearances and information on their Facebook page, plus links.

Journalists Detained in North Korea Go on Trial Thursday, Lisa Ling to Speak Out This Week

CurrentTV journalists Laura Ling and Euna Lee, who were detained for illegally crossing the North Korean border and accused of "hostile acts," are set to go on trial on Thursday. If convicted, they could spend up to ten years in a North Korean boot camp. Al Gore, a partner at Current, has been working closely with the State Department to get the women released, and the Swedish Mission at the United Nations has been serving as an intermediary.

Although it's been advised that the less said publicly the better for fear of antagonizing Pyongyang, Ling and Lee's families have decided to speak out next week. On Monday, Lisa Ling will be appearing on the 7 a.m. block of The Today Show (NBC), on the Larry King show (CNN) at 6 p.m. PST (9 p.m., EST), and on Anderson Cooper on Wednesday.

Ling and Lee are being kept separately in either a government guest house or a hotel outside of Pyongyang and have been allowed to make limited phone calls, which can be interpreted as a good sign that they're not being physically abused. Lisa Ling also received a letter from Laura on May 15, which can be read on the Facebook page that Ling and Lee's families have set up.

The families are asking people to sign their petition, which will be going to the United Nations. There will also be vigils in various cities across the country on Wednesday evening, including San Francisco, at the steps of City Hall from 6 to 8 p.m.