It's Cold and Flu Season, not Oh Woe is Me, Season

Some of you may have realized this, but let me tell you …It’s cold and flu season already, and man, do I have a cold, however…

Not your typical cold.

The cold that I have had for two weeks is the tortoise of colds.

It is slow, steady, and omnipresent.

No over the top, sneezing my ass off, my nose draining faster than a New Orleans levee, cold.  Simply…a low-grade, persistent, and annoying as hell, cold.

I know what you are thinking and/or saying to yourselves…

“Matt-Man is the biggest puss in the world when suffering from sinusitis, lost voice, and vacated manhood.”

Let me tell you something, Bitches…!!

Two years ago I had pneumonia…Not just any pneumonia, I also had a rare secondary lung infection as well.  And you know what?

I worked for two weeks while I had walking pneumonia, and didn’t even realize that a second malady had formed, and what did I do?

I WORKED!!

I had over a gallon of fluid around my right lung, but I still went to work.  I could barely speak because of the pain, but I still went to work.

I was drooling on myself and talking in tongues, and yet…

I still went to work.

I even mopped while working, and what was I mopping up?  The liquid discharge of my infected lungs!!

And what did I get for my two weeks of sick, should have been in hospice servitude?

The satisfaction of knowing that I am not a quitter, and a $20,000 hospital bill that I will never be able to repay.

And in my book, Not a Quitter + 20K in Hospital Bills =  A Dude Who Makes Things Happen.

I have no idea where this post is going and guess what?  I don’t fricking care…you know why?

When I was in the hospital, they told me had I waited another 72 to 96 hours, my right lung would have been crushed by the fluid, the infection would have spread, and I could have died.

But guess what?  I didn’t die, because I know when to man up, and let the sexy little girls of the nursing industry take care of me.

I planned the entire, “poor Matty is sick, can you, a hot nurse, take care of me?” routine.

You see…I go to extremes when hitting on chicks, and that may have been my best effort yet, ’cause 25 year old ER Nurse Megan was digging me, and she looked like Jennifer Love-Hewitt.

Anyhoo, heretofore, and to sum up…

This pansy cold that I have sucks, however…I am not a pansy when it comes to colds, and…

If you want to take care of me when I’m truly sick?

Bring on the Jennifer Love-Hewitt boobs and charge me 20,000 dollars…

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

neshobadude@yahoo.com
http://twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS