Ted Nugent Draft Dodger, and Well...Pussy

There are many things that tick me off in life, however, there are a couple of things that make me mad…angry…pissed off.

One of which, is when people portray themselves to be something other than who the truly are.

Oh sure, we all know phonies in our life, but we take a handful of people at their word, and then what do they do?

They let us down.

For example…

The mighty, mighty, Mr. Bad Ass, Ted Nugent, said in a not so veiled threat toward President Barack Obama, that if Obama is reelected, “I will either be dead, or in jail.”

Now…to the untrained eye, that may seem to be a sincere, bad ass threat toward our President, however, to folks who truly know Ted Nugent, that statement is pretty fucking funny, because, well…

Ted Nugent is the biggest pussy in the world.

Oh sure, he proclaims himself to be Lord High Lover and Protector of the Constitution and a rah-rah rock star for the Second Amendment, but the soon to be 64 year old is nothing more than, an aging purveyor of hypocrisy and self-aggrandizement.

In other words…since Tommy Shaw showed Ted Nugent up in his last band, Damn Yankees, Theodore Nugent has been scouring the Earth for relevance and validation.

And, just like many folks who aren’t worth a shit, Ted Nugent found his validation in the form of FOX News and specifically, Sean Hannity.

In fact, overheard in D.C. eateries, have been conversations between Sean Hannity and Nugent arguing over which of them has the wettest pussy. But I digress…

Anyhoo, I make these claims about Ted Nugent being a draft dodging sissy, and you ask, “Matt-Man?  Why for do you level these charges?”

Because Ted Nugent is a draft dodging sissy…and back in the 70’s he made no bones about it.  He literally shit and un-hygiened himself out of the draft, and was so damn proud of it, he gave an interview about it.

What a trooper…

Mr. Bad Ass, Motor City Mad Man, it turns out, is nothing more than a Motor City Mary.

Ol’ Ted Nugent was available for the draft during the years while the Vietnam War was going on, but Mr. Pussy Scratch Fever sought deferments.

Mr. I Will Shoot Anything to Feed My Family was too askeered to have it out with short, slant-eyed game that fired back, so...he greased his guns, refused to fire, and like a chick who just got fucked by a fellow meth addict, did the Sunday morning walk of shame.

Mr. I Am Touting My Skills As a Hunter in Order to Make Up for My Lack of Personal and Patriotic Duties, makes videos claiming to be a “real American” who needs not the government, and yet, loves America.

Y’know, puss boy…

All you do, is bloat your skinny ass chest out, try to hide your inadequacies as a man, and hold on to a persona that you have created over 40 years.

You’re not a tough guy.  You’re far from being a patriot…and you, my pathetic wisp of a man, are a coward.

The only thing larger than life on you , is your ego.

I hope that fact puts ya in a stranglehold, puss boy.

Cheers!!

neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattman_iws

P.S.  I hope he answers this post, or at least his press agent Linda Petersen does.  If anybody does answer this, it will probably be Linda, because I'm sure she has a bigger dick than Ted.

Sean Hannity, Derrick Bell, and President Obama...Stealing from Andrew Breitbart, and Killing Logic One Show at a Time

I began my Wednesday night laughing out loud and shaking my head in disbelief as I watched Sean Hannity maneuver right thinking Americans through the land mines of Liberalism as he broadcast his nightly show on FOX News.

And then, a few minutes into his show, I, like so many of his doting followers are on a nightly basis, was sucked into a svengali induced reticence much like Mildred Montag being seduced into respectful obedience by her electronic, “parlor wall” in the movie, Fahrenheit 451.

However…

I was not drawn in by a deep philosophical treatise nor a serious diatribe involving profound political thought by the block-headed, non-wedding band wearing, yet devout and happily married Catholic, Sean Hannity.

No my friends…

I was sucked in by Hannity’s typical simplistic ideological ranting as he interviewed two uncooked breakfast sausage links in the forms of the creepy and quasi-human, Ben Shapiro and Joel Pollak, who worked for the late Andrew Breitbart and continue to work as editors at breitbart.com.

What was the topic, you ask?

A topic so headline grabbing…so earth shattering…so damn, popping the lid off of the secret life that our President leads, that Hannity was teasing it all day, and the two clowns from breitbart.com warned, would eventually come out into the open.

The topic?

When President Obama was attending Harvard Law School he evidently gave a glowing speech about one, radical professor, Derrick Bell, who had been speaking out about the “hot topic” issue and “controversial” position that greater racial diversity was needed among school faculties.

And guess what?

When Obama was done speaking?  He gave the “radical” professor………..a hug.

Sean Hannity and the patriotic, never to be heard of again, undercooked sausages at deadwhatdowedonowbrietbart.com are furious…nay…OUTRAGED!!

It’s such a joke.

In spite of pictures showing Rumsfeld with Hussein, Bush walking hand in happy, oily hand with King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia, which were evidently things that in their time, had to be done for political convenience, and although I found it to be incorrect policy, understand that, Obama hugging an American college professor is an outrage.

I’m sure that many of Hannity’s devotees ignore those pictures, yet spit venom over Obama sharing a man hug, not knowing what they are actually seeing…or hearing…or how it allegedly translates into a hate for America, and will say…

“I knew he was a radical…a terrorist…a Muslim.”

Gimme a break.  This story, and childish, partisan hit pieces like it, are as earth shattering as the sun coming up in the morning.

Hannity doesn’t get it…and in the same light, neither do Rachel Maddow, Keith Olbermann, Neal Boortz, Rush Limbaugh, nor the scavengers of the dead at breitbart.  (Or rather, unfortunately, and sadly, they do.)

Those talking heads have some of the most vast and devoted audiences on radio and TV, and yet, they are playing to crowds that while devoted, are none too bright, or more diplomatically said, intellectually uncurious.

Neither the hosts nor their audiences seem open to cogent and differing political, ideological, and philosophical discourse.

As the far right cave dwellers happily and mindlessly watch shadows of Hannity flicker upon the damp and darkened wall of Plato’s cave, and far left nihilists wait for the second coming of Sir Thomas More while watching Rachel Maddow, seventy percent of America laughs…a nervous laughter at that.

For the seventy percenters know, it’s all about ratings and revenue…hyperbole and distraction…election and reelection.

And then, after the nervous laughter subsides, they feel like Guy Montag; they loathe Mildred Montag, and they curse Ray Bradbury for getting it so right, so long ago.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

Email:  neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter:  @mattmaniws

Something Is Au Rotten Within the United States Department of Agriculture

This is Spuds Tuberosum for I’m…With…Stupid, and listen…

I have more than a few problems with the Obamas and the United States Department of Agriculture.

Tater Tot, by every slowly served Tater Tot, they are trying to limit the amount of starchy foods in school lunches, in favor of “more acceptable vegetables” such as brussel sprouts and broccoli.

Let me tell ya…

We potatoes Rawwwwwwk!!

We are a good source of Vitamins B6, C, Thiamine, and Niacin, and we have more than our fair share of Potassium working through us, as well as more than a little bit of Iron, to which I have to say…

Hey corn, move over and make room for the tuber, you winsome bitch.

And yet, while this go ‘round, the Obamas and the USDA have failed to stop our appearance in school lunches, my more than a few of my eyes have never seen such an attack on something as American as the potato.

I have never seen anything as un-American as attacking the potato since the days when The Brady Bunch was cancelled.

So goes Cindy Brady; so goes the Yukon Gold.

Listen President and Mrs. Obama, Secretary Vilsack, and my fellow Americans…This great nation was born and built on two staples of dietary ingestion, and two staples only…Meat and Potatoes.

Do you deciders of fortune in Washington, D.C. realize that if weren’t for the potato and it’s ensuing blight from dirty rot, taint, and curl, that today there would be nary a city in the United States that wasn’t well-manned by cops of Irish descent?

Sure, you talk a good game about the gloriosity of first responders, but you are trying to kill off the very life blood that brought them here.

I know, Mrs. Obama, you want to put an end to child obesity or whatever, but c’mon, who are we kidding?

You show me a kid who grows up eating bulgur wheat, brussel sprouts, and fruit during his or her formative years in elementary school, and I’ll show you a kid who gets his or her ass kicked every day by the time High School comes around.

Sad.

Seriously.  Do you suppose Daniel Boone passed on a twice baked potato in lieu of a half baked mention of asparagus with his deer brisket while running the gauntlet?

Do you think that Andrew Jackson said, “The Cherokee can stay where they are until I finish my sausage and endive casserole.”

Is it to be believed that on the day that the Berlin Wall came down, Ronald Reagan, said, “Man, I wish could celebrate the end of Communism by having a juicy steak with some fresh and slightly roasted eggplant.”

Ha-hooooo, I don’t think so.

No my friends, Boone ate raw potatoes while butchering the Shawnee…Jackson had French fries with his Trail of Tears entree, and the Gipper had several frozen patties of hash browns for every brick that came tumbling down.

So Real…So American…So Potato…

My friends…

From the Russet’s red glare to Yukon Golds bursting in air, I say to you…

Do not, like this administration has, dare to abandon the potato.

Totted, twice baked, or in chip form, we have, and always will be, here for you.

God Bless the potato, the National Potato Council, and above all…

God Bless the United States of America,

Spuds Tuberosum

Email:  neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter:  @mattmaniws