Jesus Is Lord!! Not An Expletive, You Sunzabitches!!

I like to use expletives frequently. I mainly try to use them as a form of emphasis but I must admit, oft times I use them simply to be rude.

Anyhoo, IWS fans…

It is Super Happy Hole-ly Jesus Week ™ here on I’m With Stupid and as we countdown to the resurrection of Jesus, I thought I should cut back or refrain from cussing altogether.

This special holy week, I hope to avoid using any form of the word “fuck”, especially the phrase, “Jesus Fucking Christ.”

It wasn’t just my idea, nooooooo.

Jesus hizzelf told me to try to clean up my language during HIS special week.

He said unto me last night…

“Matt-Man, I love you, but please…try to avoid using such colorful language. If I can do it; you can do it.”

Now for those of you not as intimate with The Lord as I, the “if I can…you can…” line may seem odd.

Well trust me, it’s not.

Ol’ Jeebus may be the Son of God, but in addition to being that and a sarcastic practical joker, the boy used to cuss up a storm.

Damn straight, he did.

He used to call his apostle John a big girlie man and Christ would shout at John in Greek, insults like this...

“John ya big sissy, you are such a Kappa. Upsilon. Nu. Tau.”

He used to refer to Pontius Pilate as a, "mealy mouthed dago pussy."

And referred to Romans in general as, "pasta eating pig fuckers."

I think Jeebus’ Dad finally told him to cool it when he said to an adulteress woman…

“Neither do I condemn you; but go and sin no more, ye of the open legs and bitter herb crotch.”

Jeebus now swears very rarely, however if I happen to mention Joyce Meyer to him, he usually let’s out a…

“Screw that used up, sinning’, cuntmuppet.  She’s been cashin’ in on me and my daddy for years.  Bitch got no scruples.”

Ha. That one always cracks me up, because his face always shrivels up like a rotten bell pepper when he says that.

So anyway…Since it is Super Happy Hole-ly Jesus Week ™, and because Jeebus asked me to, I’ll try to control my bad language…especially as I stated, any phrase that uses HIS name and the F-Word.

However, if I see something funny that may contain some bad, savior bastardizing language such as that, I may falter and post it. But, I’ll try to be strong and refrain from doing so.

I trust that I can stay profanity free lo these last six days…

Oh well, I am doing well on giving up bread for Lent.  Can’t win em’ all.

*Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus* 

Yesterday on the IWS Radio Show, Jayman and I interviewed Dana and Mike.  Dana is 47 and Mike is 27, and let me tell ya, there’s a freaky age inappropriate relationship spilling over with those two.  To get all the juicy, lewd, and lascivious details you can listen in the archives:

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

We hope you do...It was actually a good time, and at least the younger of the love struck interviewees seemed to have his head on straight.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmanIWS

Jesus Christ Resurrected and So Am I

I had a bad week last week, and this week was starting off with a stench of a mood as well, however…

When I am in a bad mood or a funk, there are three things to which I retreat, until things improve.

The first source of comfort and equilibrium inducing harmony?

Pictures of Mindy Silvers:

The second?  Bacon…

And the third thing that comforts me, is my love for music.

Yeah, I know…Sometimes I may seem to be a complete Visigoth who has no more appreciation for the arts than Rick Santorum does for a hot, drunk chick who is taking birth control, however...

When I get really low down, I write poetry, polemics, and most of all…music.

And when Easter is but a full moon and two days away, I write music about my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. So let it be written; so let it be done…I have re-crafted a good song for you today.

Ladies and Gentlemen…The Resurrection of Jesus Christ…with Music and a Video.  Say Amen!!

And folks, if that wasn’t enough entertainment for you, Jayman and I did a radio show yesterday…Uh-Huh…none of ya showed for the show, but Jo, but we did it, and it was hilarious.

So if you’d like to listen as we made fun of Romney, Santorum, Paula Deen, and a cast of other stupid people while having a picnic, you can listen here:

                                                                                                       

A nice, pleasant to read, and hear post that is easy on the eyes, as we begin another Daylight Saving Time season.

I personally, and on behalf of IWS, would like to thank the uber-lovely Miss Silvers for agreeing to appear on our website today and being a good, non-uptight person.

Have a great week, and as always…

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

Email:  neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter:  @mattmaniws

Matt Said, Jay Said XVII

Matt sgyrsiau, Jay sgyrsiau, You gwrando.

Matt: “Look, Tyra I told you it’s over. You gotta stop calling me.”
Jay: “Wha?”
Matt: “Oh it’s you.”
Jay: “Who did you expect?”
Matt: “Tyra Banks. Every couple of months she calls me begging me to take her back.”
Jay: “Poor Tyra.”
Matt: “I used to feel sorry for her, but she so needy.”
Jay: “Oh man. I hate that.”
Matt: “It’s just part of the struggle that is my life.”
Jay: “It ain’t easy being Matt.”
Matt: “True dat. True dat.”
Jay: “Mmmm-Hmmm”
Matt: “Yup”

Jay: “So how ya doing?”
Matt: “Awful. Just awful.”
Jay: “Awww. That sucks.”
Matt: “Yeah it does. This cold is kicking my ass.”
Jay: “It’s Al Gore’s fault.”
Matt: “How?”
Jay: “He created Global Warming. Warm winter means worse cold & flu season.”
Matt: “That fucking bastard.”
Jay: “I KNOW RIGHT? He totally caused this. I read it on the internet.”
Matt: “Well, I’d like to kick him in the balls.”
Jay: “He deserves it.”

Jay: “How’s the no bread thing going so far.”
Matt: “Not too bad. It’s early still though.”
Jay: “It’ll get old fast though.”
Matt: “True. How’s the walking and stuff going?”
Jay: “Not bad. Shoulders and arms are sore from the weights.”
Matt: “It’ll get better.”
Jay: “Hope so, I can barely type.”
Matt: “Do you listen to the theme from Rocky?”
Jay: “No, I listen to this: *plays “You make me feel like dancing” by Leo Sayer”
Matt: “Ha! Of course. And now I have to play that for Schmoop.”
Jay: “Folow it up with: *plays “Boogie Shoes” K.C & the Sunshine Band.”
Matt: “Okay, stop.”
Jay: “You don’t want to lay down the boogie and play that funky music White Boy?”
Matt: “Not at this time, no.”
Jay: “Okay, I guess.”

Matt: “So, we doing an 80’s Extravaganza this week?”
Jay: “Sounds like a great idea.”
Matt: “The 80’s so ruled.”
Jay: “Totally. Great memories!”
Matt: “Oh yeah. Great music, movies, hell, everything.”
Jay: “Wonderful time to be a live.”
Matt: “It was!”
Jay: “Okay, I’ll be so rad!”
Matt: “Totally awesome!”
Jay: “I’m stoked!”

So there you go. True genius as it happened in real time. More or less. And don’t forget to listen to our “80s Extravaganza” on Saturday at 11 PM ET on I’m With Stupid. It’s gonna be so awesome. Even more so if you’re there.

And, to get you into the mood, here is our Kick Ash Wednesday show that was really pretty freaking fun. We talked Ash Wednesday, Lent, Atheism, Veganism and all kinds of other stuff all while battling colds. We are true professionals and we do it all for YOU! 

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Lent 2012: Catholics Are Pussies

“He that would have a short Lent, let him borrow money to be repaid at Easter.” 

--Ben Franklin

Damn right bitches…

The 18th Century Rock Star who was Ben Franklin, as always, had his electrified kite flying right when he flew that little nugget of home spun ecumenical philosophity into the thunderstorm of religiosity.

Anyhoo…Today is Fat Tuesday, Shrove Tuesday, Pancake Day, or as many know this day…Mardi Gras.

Today marks, especially for ye of the Catholic faith, the prequel to the solemn 46 day period of penitence and self-denial leading up to the celebration of the resurrection of Christ on Easter Sunday, which this year falls on April 8th.

Ha…Seriously?  Solemn?  Penitence?  Self-Denial?  Pffffft…

Just as hard as many a Catholic Priest has gone down on an unsuspecting underage schoolboy, the Catholic Church has simplified and wimpified Lent to the MMth degree.

Back when I was a wee lad and being raised Catholic, Lent meant giving up something which I liked.

It meant sacrifice and self denial in order to figuratively mirror the sacrifice that Christ made as he wandered the desert for forty days prior to beginning his ministry here on Earth.

Today?

The Catholic Church eschews sacrifice during Lent.

Blitzkrieg Benny would rather you did something nice for the poor, the destitute, and those type of folks whom I, and others make fun of everyday, in order to honor Lent and the J-Man’s 40 day trek through an un-Godly desert.

Fuck Vobiscum, that!!

Hell’s Fire…The change in the attitude toward Lent may have been my breaking point between my soul and the Catholic Church.  Okay, maybe not…

My breaking point with the Catholic Church was when I turned 18 and said to myself…

“Mom and Dad can’t do a damn thing to me now other than shake their head at me if I don’t go to Church.”

And so it was, I was no longer going to church…a church like many other churches of like and similar denominations, that attempts to dictate one’s belief system.

Me?

I know the Bible.  I know the Bible as well, if not better, than most evangelists, “prophets”, and born-again nut job self-promoters, like the hideous and doomed to Hell, Joyce Meyer.

And my friends…That is where I seek my solace at times.  Even if I didn’t believe in God or Jesus Christ, I would still read the Bible because it is a philosophical roadmap to the destination of being a good person.

But remember…It is a roadmap that while, “from the voice of God and Jesus Christ” is one that has been edited by man.  Or in the case of the Catholic Church…by men.

I find it funny that while the words of Christ and his Apostles have remained constant forever, church dogma sways, it shifts…it redirects.

It started changing the words of Christ some years ago at Nicene, and has always evolved or more accurately, devolved, to meet its own needs.

The Church kept the books of Thomas the Contender and Mary Magdalene out of the Bible.  Pope Gregory made Mary Magdalene out to be a whore.  The Church sought money in exchange for Penance.

That arrogant and hierarchical attitude exists still today in many Churches, and yet…

While not a Catholic for years, nor a member of any organized church, I will observe Lent by giving up something I love.

This year, as I have in the past, give up bread, pasta, and most other carbohydrate type foods.

That alone, won’t win me a place in Heaven, but it will make me feel that I, have done something that is typically beyond me.

And dig it…

I, unlike Catholics who are allowed Sundays off during their sacrifice that they are no longer required to give, will do it on Sundays as well.

Pussies.

Cheers, 

Matt-Man

email:  neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter:  @mattmaniws