The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile...Finally, In Safe Hands

Cheeeeeers Chuckleheads!!

As you may or may not know, July is National Hot Dog Month here in these manifested and destined states of ours, so it is only fitting that I speak today about one of my dreams in life.

Something that I the Matt-Man, would love to make come to fruition.  I want to be able to someday say…

“I own the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile.”

Let me tell you something folks…I have always wanted to own that smooth riding wiener. And if I did..?

It would no longer be known as the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile.  It would simply be known as, Matt-Man’s Wiener.

Oh Dear God!!  I would have such fun tooling town around with my huge and sporty looking wiener, as the townsfolk gawk in amusement and amazement at my gigantic, smooth handling wiener.

From the North Side to the South Side, to the East Side to the West Side, Bagwine denizens would know that Matt-Man’s wiener is, The Ride.

It would be fun to drive through town and with my wiener, lovingly tap the rear end of every hot chick driving a car.

Or pull up to some punk in a hot old Camaro at a stop light, and yell across the lane…

“Hey dude?  Wanna race? ‘Cause even though you think you can; there’s no way in Hell you’re beatin’ my wiener!!”

But it wouldn’t be all fun and games…no.

With my wiener in my possession and my hands firmly in control, comes responsibility, and of course, risk.

I would dread taking my wiener to the grocery, for I know damn well, that some oblivious and self absorbed asshole will carelessly allow their grocery cart to slam into the side of my wiener and leave a mark on my wiener.

Oh sure I’ll take my wiener home and wash it and wax it hoping the mark comes out, but…Oy!!  I just hope somebody doesn’t dent my wiener.

If they did, I would have to apply bondo to my wiener and then ultimately sand and paint my wiener, so it would once again be as smooth and lovely as the day I got it.

I would also take precious care of my wiener.

I would religiously take it to my personal grease monkey, and say things like…

“I need you to change the oil in my wiener, and could you check my wiener’s alignment?  I was driving my girlfriend home the other night and she said that my wiener felt like it was pulling to the left.  It was really making her uncomfortable.

Also…sometimes it’s hard to get my wiener started so check the battery as well.  In fact, as my wiener sometimes runs a little hot, just give my entire wiener a thorough looking over.  While you work on my wiener, I’ll just hang out here and eat a bagel.

Oh and check out the crankshaft…as it has gotten older, it seems to be making some funny noises.”

See folks?  I have a dream.  A dream to own an American icon…my beloved wiener.

Oh sure…Some of you may think of me as one to succumb to pipedreams, and to be a dork, a dick, or a bonehead, but let me say something…

When I make this dream happen, and am driving my wiener into every nook and cranny of America, and graciously allow you to take a spin upon it, you will be saying…

“Damn that Matt-Man; he is a great American, and by God do I love his wiener!!”

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws

IWS Babe of the Week: This Southern Belle Rings Our Chimes!!

When in the course of human events, it be---, blah, blah, blah...

Sorry...

Over the year plus of this website, and longer on the IWS Radio Show, we have propped up, and sang praises to many beautiful women, however this week?

We want to sing the praises of an everyday woman.  A chick who just finds Jayman and myself funny, incredibly charming, and hopefully, HOT!!

I am of course talking about I'm With Stupid's initial Mizz July 4th Independence Day Hottie of 2011, Tamra...

She's not just hot either, she's pretty as hell...well she's prettier than uber woman Ann Romney anyway, and she works...without a net or a staff of fifty...

Tamra practices good hygiene, which is important to us here at I'm With Stupid.  She reminds Jay and Matt-Man to brush their teeth and comb their hair....Well, to remind Jayman to comb his hair.  Matt-Man?  Not so much...

Do you ever get that feeling that you can't decide what to do?  Like you're standing in the middle of the road? Tamra evidently did once, but let me tell ya, she looks good while doing so...

And while Tamra is a fun-loving woman, she can get a bit "attitudinal" when being followed by assholes. That's why for the life of us, we can't understand why she likes Jay and Matt...

And the funny thing?  Matt-Man has never been a fan of, The Ramones, and now he is FAN #1...What's up with that?

And of course, when our radio show was mentioned in Internet Radio Today, who did we ask to appear? That's right...Mizzzzzzzz Tamra...

Oh yeahhhhhhh...Mizz Tamra...Our initial 4th of July Woman, and a chick that keeps settin' off fireworks in our private areas everyday.

She is hot, sweet, and completely awesome.

Here's to Tamra, and here's to the upcoming IWS Radio Show.

Matt and Jay will be riflinfg through their local papers today at Noon ET on I'm With Stupid.  It will be like sitting on the porch with Andy Taylor and Barney Fife.

Join them by listening and/or calling in at 661.244.9852 for a laid back, homespun affair today at Noon ET by clicking HERE.

Cheers!!

Oh I forgot...there's a bonus picture...

Jesus Is Lord!! Not An Expletive, You Sunzabitches!!

I like to use expletives frequently. I mainly try to use them as a form of emphasis but I must admit, oft times I use them simply to be rude.

Anyhoo, IWS fans…

It is Super Happy Hole-ly Jesus Week ™ here on I’m With Stupid and as we countdown to the resurrection of Jesus, I thought I should cut back or refrain from cussing altogether.

This special holy week, I hope to avoid using any form of the word “fuck”, especially the phrase, “Jesus Fucking Christ.”

It wasn’t just my idea, nooooooo.

Jesus hizzelf told me to try to clean up my language during HIS special week.

He said unto me last night…

“Matt-Man, I love you, but please…try to avoid using such colorful language. If I can do it; you can do it.”

Now for those of you not as intimate with The Lord as I, the “if I can…you can…” line may seem odd.

Well trust me, it’s not.

Ol’ Jeebus may be the Son of God, but in addition to being that and a sarcastic practical joker, the boy used to cuss up a storm.

Damn straight, he did.

He used to call his apostle John a big girlie man and Christ would shout at John in Greek, insults like this...

“John ya big sissy, you are such a Kappa. Upsilon. Nu. Tau.”

He used to refer to Pontius Pilate as a, "mealy mouthed dago pussy."

And referred to Romans in general as, "pasta eating pig fuckers."

I think Jeebus’ Dad finally told him to cool it when he said to an adulteress woman…

“Neither do I condemn you; but go and sin no more, ye of the open legs and bitter herb crotch.”

Jeebus now swears very rarely, however if I happen to mention Joyce Meyer to him, he usually let’s out a…

“Screw that used up, sinning’, cuntmuppet.  She’s been cashin’ in on me and my daddy for years.  Bitch got no scruples.”

Ha. That one always cracks me up, because his face always shrivels up like a rotten bell pepper when he says that.

So anyway…Since it is Super Happy Hole-ly Jesus Week ™, and because Jeebus asked me to, I’ll try to control my bad language…especially as I stated, any phrase that uses HIS name and the F-Word.

However, if I see something funny that may contain some bad, savior bastardizing language such as that, I may falter and post it. But, I’ll try to be strong and refrain from doing so.

I trust that I can stay profanity free lo these last six days…

Oh well, I am doing well on giving up bread for Lent.  Can’t win em’ all.

*Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus* 

Yesterday on the IWS Radio Show, Jayman and I interviewed Dana and Mike.  Dana is 47 and Mike is 27, and let me tell ya, there’s a freaky age inappropriate relationship spilling over with those two.  To get all the juicy, lewd, and lascivious details you can listen in the archives:

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

We hope you do...It was actually a good time, and at least the younger of the love struck interviewees seemed to have his head on straight.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmanIWS

South Carolina and Republicans Let Their Freak Flags Fly

Hola South Carolina! Look at you!! You’re all grown up and sexy as hell! I remember when you were such a prude too. You were completely disgusted with ANYTHING of a sexual nature AT ALL. Remember that? Remember when you were all “Family Values is the number one issue!” and “We are all values voters” and all that that shit?

And, now you’re voting big time for Newt Freaking Gingrich. That would be the Newt of the multiple marriages, multiple adulterous affairs and an attempt to get one of his ex-wives to agree to an open marriage. And the Newt who had to resign the Speakership because of multiple ethics investigations and the fact that it was obvious he was about to take the Republican Party over a cliff with him.

I know, I know, this was about standing up to the establishment and not letting them force Willard “Fraudy McFakerson” Romney on you guys. Sure thing guys. What better way to stick it to the establishment than to vote for the former Speaker of the House and Washington lobbyist Newt Gingrich AKA: “Mr. Outsider?”

Hey, I’m not complaining at all. I really love the new “Sassy” South Carolina look. I like the short dresses, the plunging necklines, the heavy drinking and smoking and even the jeans so tight on the guys they create that sexy bulge. I mean sure, it’s going to take some getting used to, but I agree that this new look is going to be great for you.

But, there are a couple things I need to ask you about. Now that a candidate for president’s moral character, past transgressions and down-right bizarre behavior no longer matter, should we go back and fix a few things? Maybe go back and give a few people a retroactive pass for their mistakes? I mean, it’s only fair right?

Let’s start by asking Mark Sanford if he’d like to be shadow governor of South Carolina. And, make sure he understands that he can go visit his muy caliente Argentinian girlfriend anytime he wants. He kind of did get run out of office and forced not to run for reelection after that whole thing. And, since those kinds of actions no longer matter, let’s make it up to him.

Oh and Eliot Spitzer is free to head up to Albany, NY and hang out with Gov. Cuomo up there. He can kind of be like the “Co-Governor” or something like that. No real power, but a nice title and his once very promising political career should be completely restored. And, when he runs for President in 2016 or 2020, there will be no mentions of his dalliances with prostitutes, right South Carolina? Remember, moral character no longer matters.

You know what. I just thought of something. You guys aren’t going to just suddenly up and go back to that whole “value voters” shit as soon as Newt is finished off either in the GOP primaries or in the general election are you? If you think about it, that would be a really dirty thing to do. Way beneath you guys. What’s that? You’re not? You promise? Oaky then, that’s great!  

Oh BTW, South Carolina and other republicans now supporting Newt Gringrich. Now that you’ve decided not to worry with morality anymore, you’ll have to go ahead and drop all opposition to Gay Marriage. HEY! I don’t make the rules, but there’s really no other choice. I know that’s gonna be a tough one to swallow, but it’s only fair.

Anyway, once again, love the new look South Carolina!

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

--

In other news, on Saturday’s I’m With Stupid podcast, Matt-Man and Jayman laid out a very thoughtful, well thought out argument as to Why Women Suck. In fact, we made such a compelling argument, that even our hecklers on Twitter finally had to concede we were right. Well, not publicly or anything like that. No woman would ever admit to being wrong publicly.

Also remember that we will be on again doing some Show Prep and other stuff on Wednesday at 11 AM ET and then next Saturday we’ll be back again at 11 PM ET to talk about Why Men Suck cause we’re fair like that.

Anyway, please listen to our “Why Women Suck” episode and let’s see if we can’t drive this show right to the top of BTR’s ratings! And as always, thank you so much for your continued support. We love each and every one of you. 

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Dating Sites Are Entertaining

Hola Bitches! A couple of days after Al Gore invented the internets somebody had the brilliant idea to create a personals website. I love web personals. I love to browse through all the personal ads and see all the crazy stuff people write. Mostly though I love to search through them and see if there is anyone I know on there.

I have on a few occasions been browsing through personals sites and come across people that I knew. I came across a couple of co-workers on one site. On another I found the daughter of a co-worker who had an ad that I’m pretty sure her mother would have been embarrassed to see. And, at least twice I found a neighbor’s ad.

Back in the day, I actually tried a few personal ads myself with mixed results. I generally got responses from either young girls (as in 18 or 19 year olds) with at least one and usually two or more kids or lonely MARRIED middle aged stay at home moms. WTF? Otherwise I got no responses at all.

Of course, the worst part of personals is that people tend to, well, lie. It’s important to know what they are saying when they use certain words. For instance:

“Six figure income” – If you count the numbers to the right of the decimal
“Athletic” – Bowls
“Loves to Travel” – Drives up to the state line for a case of PBR and some lottery tickets each weekend.
“Romantic” – Will open your beer for you.
"Spontaneous" - Will go from happy to explosive anger in 3.2 seconds over the littlest things.
"Easy going" - As long as I get my way
"Talkative" - I nag at you all day and night.
"Self-sufficient" - I think I'm better than you.
"Affectionate" - Emotional cripple who gets really possessive.

I'm not all that picky and my ads have always shown that. I don't like age ranges (as long as she's, you know, legal and an adult) or specific height/weight requirements and I certainly never exclude any race, nationality or religion. Basically I only have three requirements:

1. Be able to carry on a decent conversation.
2. Have a sense of humor.
3. Not be batshit crazy.

It's the third one that always gets me.

I’ve only had one time where I got responses from an ad that were negative or attacking me. I made up an ad once on Yahoo where I specified “NO KIDS”. I got several emails telling me what a terrible person I was for saying that. See, that’s where I went wrong. I was trying to be honest. Guess that isn’t what people are looking for nowadays.

I realized that if I were to do this again I really have to come up with a kick ass ad. I’m thinking about trying this one:

"Bitter, broke, overweight and rapidly graying SWM who is going through a midlife crisis and has limited social skills seeks petite, sexy female with low standards and even lower self-esteem."

OR ....

"Sad, self-conscious, introverted SWM with very little direction in life seeks older, attention-starved yet accident prone heiress with a nagging cough."


Yeah. I like my chances too.

Jayman
jayman3768@gmail.com
www.twitter.com/jayman_iws

Celebrating Fat Girls !!

Y‘know?

Jayman and I have been website and internet radio partners for over a year now, and I love the guy, however…

His post yesterday about how skinny chicks get crapped on by men and women in life, and specifically, within the spider web of drunken neurons and itchy “Enter” key fingers that is social media, left me feeling a bit empty…a bit…I dunno….

Feeling like I had gone to a fine restaurant and all I got was a salad and bowl of luke warm consommé.

I hungered for a counterpoint after reading Jay’s articulations and assertions on how fine, sexy, and healthy, thin chicks are.

Let me tell you right now folks…I dig fat chicks.

Fat, voluptuous, thick, broad across the beam…no matter what you want to call these ladies of larger proportions, I am down with the mounds of ground round that are the big chicks.

I like the bigger broads for a myriad of reasons. Allow me to ’splain….

I am a hemophiliac, and having sex with a skinny chick could result in some serious set backs for me. For instance…

Back in 2005, Kate Moss wanted to have sex with me. She was cute and funny and all that, but I could foresee myself bangin’ away on her, and then one of her ribs piercing my skin, and puncturing my lung.

My kid seeing the coroner’s pictures of me in my, gasping for air, non-coagulating, swimming in the gruel of forced vomitization from Kate’s last supper of a Kalamata olive death, is not the impression I would like him to be left with…so I passed.

No, my friends, I dig thick chicks. They have plenty to offer.

The first thing that comes to mind is that they are obviously comfortable in their own skin. If they weren’t, the wouldn’t have so much of it. I do like a chick who exudes that, “take me as I am” attitude, with a smile and a body as big as the Montana sky.

With big chicks, sex is never a problem…You can have sex anywhere, anytime. I’m not talking public places folks; I’m talking places on their bodies. Holy Cow!!

So many folds, so little time.

Hell, you can be dry humping her leg, find a crevice, and the next thing you know, you swollen manhood has been swallowed up by the Whore of Cellulite. It doesn’t do much for her libido, but man oh man, does your prostate feel better after that seminal explosion.

And what’s great? Even though it didn’t do much for her, her post-femur-coital reply is…

“Glad you feel better, honey…turn on the football game, and I’ll order pizza. I‘m starving.”

Oh yeahhhhhhhhh. What would a skinny bitch say after something like that?

“Godammit you bastard…You shot your load all over me, and now instead of weighing 101.8 pounds, I weigh 102.2...Where’s the Syrup of Ipecac? I need to toss some bile.”

Another thing…Big chicks have the cutest faces. Seriously, you men out there…how many times have you said to yourself…

“Damn she’s cute…too bad she’s a biggin’.” Uh-huh… I know, so don’t lie.

Actually all chicks rawwwwwk…

Thin, thick, black, white, etc, etc. all of them rock… Well…many, but not all, because say what you will ladies, there are as many of you that are assholes as there men who are; stupid knows no gender.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

neshobadude@yahoo.com

twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS

My Indecent Proposal...

As you probably know, last week NFL owners voted to approve their own proposal and then held a press conference celebrating the fact that they agreed with what they had agreed to propose. It was all done in an attempt to force the players to quickly agree to the deal or risk losing the PR war with the fans.

Well, this gave me a great idea. I would like to publicly announce that I have agreed to my own proposal to have sex with Mila Kunis. Below are the details of the proposal that I have very generously made to Ms. Kunis:

- Mila will be allowed to choose between a tray of Kraft sharp cheddar cheese slices, Petit Jean Mountain summer sausage and Club Crackers, or a Digioro’s thin crust pepperoni frozen pizza for dinner. Great Value Vienna Sausages will also be available for snacking purposes if needed.

- There will be the choice of Charles Shaw (AKA: Two Buck Chuck) Pinot Grigio or Franzia Sunset Blush box wine, Jose Cuervo tequila and Dos Equis beer in the fridge and ready to be consumed.

- Room will be cooled to 69° F.

- Room will be completely dark with the exception the light from my clock radio and my Batman night light.

- The five disc CD player will be loaded with Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Marvin Gaye, Al Green and Otis Redding CDs in that order and will be played from song one, disc one.

- The linens on my bed will be washed (twice) in All Allergy Free powder washing detergent and then dried using Gain fabric sheets.  They will not be placed on the bed until one hour prior to Ms. Kunis’ arrival.

- Four-play will begin at exactly 8 pm CDT and will continue until 9:03 pm CDT.

- During four-play Ms. Kunis will wear nothing but a t-shirt and thong. 

- Jayman will wear nothing but his boxers and has agreed to forgo the wearing of socks to bed. 

- After a quick potty break and the opportunity for Ms. Kunis to slam a few more tequila shots, sexual intercourse will begin at 9:17 pm CDT and will last no less than seven and no more than twenty-seven minutes. 

- After sexual intercourse has concluded there will be a period of cuddling to last between 11 and 53 minutes in which Jayman promises not to fall asleep. 

- There will be four photographs allowed. 1. Jayman and Mila embarrassing in a warm hug upon her arrival. 2. Mila sitting on Jayman’s lap with her arm around Jayman’s neck and Jayman’s right hand on Mila’s thigh. 3. Mila and Jayman engaged in a loving, passionate kiss while lying on the bed. And 4. A very special post coital bliss photo of Jayman and Mila cuddling while nekkid. 

- Jayman will be allowed to post a 500 word or less review of his night with Mila on the I’m With Stupid blog and on his Tumblr, but will use only two of the photos on each blog. 

-Jayman also agrees to not discuss the encounter with Ms Kunis on the “I’m With Stupid” internet radio show as he agrees that his partner Matt-Man lacks the social graces to treat the entire encounter with the respect it deserves. 

- Ms Kunis agrees to leave her thong and to allow Jayman to hang them from a nail above his bed. And from the rear view mirror in his car on weekends.

After reviewing this proposal thoroughly, Jayman has voted unanimously, 1-0, to approve this proposal and will begin making preparations for this wonderful event immediately upon Mila’s acceptance, which should happen promptly. 

I should warn Ms Kunis though, that failure to accept this proposal expeditiously will result very bad PR for her and could cost her a lot of her support that she currently enjoys from people throughout the world. So, it is definitely in her best interest to not let this drag out very long. 

I look forward to word of her acceptance of my proposal and promise to keep everyone updated.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
www.twitter.com/jayman3768

 

सेक्स विद रोमांस

क्या आपको लगता है कि आपकी सेक्स लाइफ ऊबाऊ हो गई है। उसमें कोई उत्साह, रोमांच व आनंद नहीं है, तो हम आपको बताते हैं कि आप सेक्स के लम्हों का कैसे रोमानी व आनंदमय बनाकर इस क्षण का हर रोज आनंद उठा सकते हैं। दांपत्य जीवन में सेक्स की महत्वपूर्ण भूमिका होती है, इसलिए पति-पत्नी को चाहिए कि इसको अत्यधिक आंनदमय बनाएं, क्योंकि बिना इच्छाओं और भावनाओं को जाने बगैर सेक्स क्रिया का आनंद नहीं उठाया जा सकता है, इसलिए राजमर्रा की दिनचर्या है तो आज ही बदल डालिए और हर दिन एक नए रोमांटिक सेक्स के लिए अपने उत्साह को बरकरार रखने के लिए अपनाइए इन बातों को-
1.जरूरी है थोडी छेडछाड
सेक्स में उत्साह बनाए रखने के लिए जरूरी है कि अपने पार्टनर के साथ थोडी-बहुत छेडछाड की जाए, क्योंकि सेक्सोलॉजिस्ट का मानना है कि प्यार में जहां छेडछाड होती है वहीं प्यार गहरा होता है। अगर आप भी प्यार भरी सेक्सुअल लाइफ की चाहत रखते हैं तो सेक्स से पहले पार्टनर के साथ छेडछाड जरूर करें, ताकि सेक्स का भरपूर मजा उठाया जा सके।
2.हफ्ते में तीन बार जरूर करें सेक्स
जी हां। अगर आप अपन सेक्सुअल लाइफ को हमेशा रोमांचक व आनंदमय रखना चाहते हैं तो हफ्ते में कम से कम तीन बार सेक्स जरूर करें। यह हम नहीं कह रहे हैं बल्कि यह बात एक सर्वे के मुताबिक हैप्पी सेक्सुअल लाइफ के लिए हफ्ते में तीन बार सेक्स और हर दिन में 4बार अपने पति व पत्नी को दिन में एक बार "आई लव यूं" कहना न भूलें। एक सवेंü के मुताबिक जो लोग हफ्ते में कम से कम तीन बार सेक्स और रोज 4 बार किस करते हैं उनकी शादीशुदा जिंदगी बेहद ही खुशहाल रहती है। तो फिर क्यों न आप भी इस फार्मूला को अपनाएं, क्या पता आपका साथी भी आपके प्रति उत्साहित हो जाए।

3.फ्रूड से करें मूड को ब्रेक
आप भी सोच रहे होंगे कि भला फूड का सेक्स में क्या काम, पर सेक्स में फूड का बहुत महत्व होता है, क्योंकि दिल का रास्ता पेट से होकर जाता है,इसलिए फूड में कुछ ऎसी सेक्सी फूड जैसे-चॉकलेट,आइक्रीम केक,आदि अपनाएं। उसकी सजावट भी ऎसी करें कि आपके दिल की बात फूड के जरिए उन तक पहुंच जाए।
4. हॉट-स्पॉट
अक्सर महिलाएं व पुरूष इस बात से अनजान रहते हैं कि उनके शरीर का कौन-सा हिस्सा उन्हें क्रि या के दौरान सबसे ज्यादा आनंद का अनुभव दिलाता है तथा बहुत से महिला व पुरूष ऎसे भी होते हैं जो झिझक क वजह से अपने उत्तेजित "हॉट स्पॉट" को बताने में शर्मातें हैं। इसलिए सेक्स के हर पल को रोमानी व रोमांचक बनाने के लिए एक-दूसरे के "हॉट स्पॉट" ढूंढें या फिर अपने साथी से जानने की कोशिश करें। क्यौंकि अगर आप अपने साथी के हॉट स्पॉट के बारे में जानते हैं तो आपके प्यार भरे पल बन जाएंगे जायकेदार। तो आज ही बिना झिझके अपने साथी के हॉट स्पॉट को ढूंढ निकालें।

5.आकर्षण
पुरूषों और महिलाओं दोनों के साथ अलग-अलग स्थितियां होती हैं। लेकिन चाहें पुरूष हो या स्त्री दोनों के बीच आकर्षण का बना रहना बेहद जरूरी है। पुरूष अपनी स्त्री पार्टनर के आकर्षण से आकर्षित होता है जबकि स्त्री सेक्स से पहले भावनात्मक रूप से आकर्षित होकर उसके करीब आना पसंद करती है। आपका साथी आपकी किन बातों, अदाओं या फिर किस शरारत का दीवाना और किस चीज के लिए आपकी तरफ सबसे ज्यादा आकर्षित होता है यह जान लें, क्योंकि सेक्स के दौरान आप उन अदाओं क इस्तेमाल कर उन्हें अपना और भी दीवाना बना सकती हैं।
6. कुछ नया करें
चाहे महिला हो या पुरूष उन्हें सेक्स में हमेशा कुछ नया करना और भी करीब लाता है। यदि आप पार्टनर को नए-नए तरीके से खुश करने की कोशिश करेंगे तो उन पलों में वे और ज्यादा आपके करीब आ जाएंगे। तरह तरह के तोहफे,सरप्राइज गिफ्ट,अलग तरह से प्यार की इच्छा को जताने से आपका साथी सेक्स के पलों का आनंद ज्यादा देर तक उठाएगा।
7. रातों को बनाएं खुशनुमा
यूं तो प्यार करने के लिए कोई भी निश्चित समय नहीं होता है,लेकिन यह भी बात सच है कि अगर आप अपनी सेक्सुअल लाइफ को और भी ज्यादा रोमंचक बनाना चाहते हैं तो रात में रोमांस करना न भूलें। अगर आप दोनों को पढने का शौक नहीं है तो कोई रोमांटिक फिल्म देखें। दोनों साथ में है तो शॉवर लें और एक-दूसरे को मसाज कर रात के पलों को खुशनुमा माहौल में बदल दें। अगर आप बेडरूम में रोमांस करके बोर हो चुके हैं तो छत पर आसमान के नीचे रोमांस करने का मजा ही कु छ और होगा।
8. सेक्सी सरप्राइज
सेक्स के पलों को यादगार व रोमांचक बनाने के लिए अपने पार्टनर को एक कागज पर उत्तेजित करने वाले रोमांटिक नोट लिखें। हॉट मैसेज भेजें। फिर देखें आपका साथी जहां भी रहेगा सीधे आपके पास भागकर आपके पास आ जाएगा। खुशबू वाले कैंडल से कैंडल लाइट डिनर अपने साथी के लिए अरेंज कर उनके करीब जाएं, क्या पता आपका यह सरप्राइज आपके साथी को आपके और भी करीब ले आए। तो आप उन लम्हों में खो जाएं।
9.सेक्सी हॉट कपडें
आमतौर पर कपल्स यही सोचते हैं कि सेक्स को रोमानी बनाने के लिए कपडों का क्या काम है। लेकिन एक सर्वे के मुताबिक लगभग दो तिहाई पुरूष सेक्स के दौरान अपनी महिला साथी को हॉट लुक व सेक्सी लिंगरी में देखना पसंद करते हैं। पुरूष चाहते हैं कि उनकी पार्टनर हर दिन नए लुक व सेक्सी ड्रेस आपके साथी को और भी ज्यादा उत्तेजित कर देता है, तो क्यों न आप भी अपने साथी के लिए हॉट सेक्सी लिंगरी का चुनाव कर अंतरंग के पलों का और भी ज्यादा रोमांचक बना दें।
10.मत होने दें सेक्स को उबाऊ
एक अध्ययन के मुताबिक 20 मिनट से ज्यादा देर का संभोग उबाऊ हो जाता है। इसलिए इन 20 मिनटों में आप एक-दूसरे के इतने करीब हों कि यह जिंदगी सबसे कम वक्त बन जाए। सेक्स के दौरान आपने बे्रक ले लिया तो हो सकता है कि आपका साथी चरम सीमा तक न पंहुच पाया हो,इसलिए प्यार के हर पल को ज्यादा से ज्यादा और अलग-अलग तरीके से इन्जॉय करने की कोशिश करें। फिर देखें हर बार कुछ नई शरारत आपके साथी को सुझेगी आपका मन भी उन शरारतों के प्रति उत्सुक हो जाएगा।

बेवफाई के बाद कैसे सुधारे पुराने रिश्ते

बेवफाई निश्चित रूप से प्यार करने वालो के लिए चुनौतीपूर्ण मसला है। यह एक ऎसा तूफान है जिसकी हल्की सी आहट भी प्यार के मजबूत स्तंम्भो पर खडी रिश्तो की इमारत को एक पल में गिरा सकती है। विश्वास की नीव पर रखे इस प्यार के रिश्ते में अपने साथी द्वारा दिए गए धोखे के दर्द की गहराई अनुभव करना बहुत कष्टदाई होता है। यह एक ऎसा जहर है जो रिश्तो की मिठास मे घुलकर उसे क़डवा बना देता है और इस रिश्ते में बंधे दोनो व्यक्तियों के लिए बहुत हानिकारक साबित हो सकता है। कभी-कभी इस जहर का असर इतना अधिक होता है कि यह धोखा दिए जाने वाले व्यक्ति के लिए जानलेवा भी हो सकता है। एक अध्ययन के अनुसार प्रेम संबंधो और रिश्तो की मजबूती पर किए गए सर्वे के आंक़डो मे "धोखे" और "बेवफाई" की दर दिन-प्रतिदिन बढ़ती जा रही है। इस टूटे हुए रिश्ते को दुबारा सुधारने की कोशिश करना किसी ऊंची शिखर वाली पह़ाड की चोटी पर पहुंचने जितना मुश्किल और कठिन है।हॉंलाकि जो सबकुछ भूलकर पुन: अपने रिश्तो को बनाना चाहते है उनके लिए यह लेख जरूर एक आशा कि किरण साबित हो सकता है। यह एक कठिन कार्य है और इसे पूरा करने के लिए प्रतिबद्धता की आवश्यकता है। इस लेख के द्वारा दिया गया मार्गदर्शन उन दंपतियो के लिए मददगार साबित हो सकता है जो इस दुर्गम रास्ते पर चलकर अपने रिश्तो को दुबारा कायम करना चाहते है। आइये इस प्रकिया के लिए कुछ निमनलिखित बातो पर विचार करते है।
1. सर्वप्रथम अपने आपको अपने दूसरे रिश्ते से मुक्त करे क्योंकि किसी तीसरे के रहते आप कभी अपने पुराने रिश्ते को सच्चाई के साथ पुन: कायम नही कर सकते है।
2. मॉंफी मांगने से बेहतर कुछ नही है, जिस साथी ने बेवफाई की है उसे पूरी ईमानदारी के साथ अपनी गलती महसूस करते हुए जितना ज्यादा हो सके अपने साथी से मॉंफी मांगनी चाहिए। उसे अपने टूटते रिश्तो को जो़डने तथा अपने साथी को खुद के द्वारा दिए गए घावो से उभारने की भरपूर कोशिश करनी चाहिए।
3. अपने साथी को इस दर्द की पी़डा से राहत दिलाने के लिए प्यार भरे शब्दो के मरहम का प्रयोग करना चाहिए। ऎसा अक्सर देखा गया है कि दंपती आपस मे खुलकर बात नही कर पाते है और कई अनकही बाते मन मे ही रह जाती है। इसके लिए यह बहुत जरूरी है कि आप आपस मे बात करे, अपने प्यार का इजहार करे और ज्यादा से ज्यादा वक्त साथ गुजारे। ऎसा करने से आप दोनो के बीच एक आपसी समझ का मजबूत रिश्ता कायम होगा। बेवफाई के बाद गंभीर रूप से घायल रिश्तो को दुबारा बनाने के लिए प्यार की नीव रखना बहुत जरूरी है।
4. उन कारणे का भी पता लगाने का प्रयत्न करे जिसने आपके साथी को बेवफाई करने के लिए प्रेरित किया था, उन बातो पर ध्यान दे और कमियो को पूरा करने का प्रयत्न करे
5. आपको इस बात का विशेष ध्यान रखना होगा कि यह दर्द भावनाओ से जु़डा हुआ है जिसे भूलने के प्रयास मे काफी समय लग सकता है, कितना समय लगेगा यह नही कहा जा सकता है। इन निर्देशो का पूरी ईमानदारी से पालन करने के बाद भी हो सकता है आपके साथी में अब भी आपके प्रति अविश्वास रह जाए, हो सकता है आपकी बेवफाई की चोट से घायल साथी अब भी खुद को असुरक्षित महसूस करे, घबराए नही बस आप अपने व्यवहार में प्यार, वफादारी, धैर्य और एक दूसरे के लिए समर्पण की भावना को बनाए रखिए , ये आपको अपने साथी को गमों के तूफान से बाहर लाने तथा अपने रिश्तो को पुन: प्यार की पटरी पर लाने में आपकी मदद करेगा। यदि आप दोनो ये मानते है कि बेवफाई के बाद भी सबकुछ भूलकर आप अपने रिश्तो की नैया को दुखो के सागर मे डूबने से बचा सकते है तो प्यार और विश्वास ही इसे बचा सकने वाली दो पतवारो का काम कर सकती है।