They're Coming After Our Happiness

Hola Happy People! It’s March Madness time again! Oh yeah baby! Hours and hours of college basketball started yesterday and will continue for three weeks. Or is it four. Hell, it might be five, I don’t know.

What I do know is that this means we will be inundated with stories about how much the NCAA Tournament costs companies in lost productivity. Every year it’s the same. And every year it’s pretty much bullshit. If you listen to these people you’d think that the average American worker just screws his employer over on a daily basis. According to articles written in publications and discussed on cable news channels owned by HUGE corporations, Americans are so fucking underworked and overpaid it’s just ridiculous.

Along with that, we’ll also get all kinds of stories of police departments all over the country raiding people’s homes and arresting them for running a NCAA Tourney Pool. And then they’ll act like they busted the fucking Corleone family and shut down the gambling rackets.

God forbid you should have a little fucking enjoyment out of life. If you put five bucks into a tournament pool and pick the games with hopes of winning the astronomical sum of ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS, then we’ll bring the entire weight of our armed police forces down on you. Then prosecute you using our army of publicity (and higher office) seeking prosecutors with nearly unlimited resources.

Politicians love to talk about “liberties” being under assault. And while that’s true there’s something else that is under a full frontal assault in this country:

Our Happiness.

More than anything else it’s the things that make us happy, or give us pleasure, that politicians and do-gooder groups are going after. People like Rick Santorum and his promise to have the government go after pornography, Mika Brzezinski and Michael Bloomberg’s Food Police and other groups on the left who go after smokers, and on the right who go after drinking and gambling are trampling on your pursuit of happiness. They’re so afraid that you might be getting a little pleasure out of life and they’re bound and determined to stop it.

There are still others who think you might be getting too much enjoyment out of the internet and would like to heavily regulate it. Some people think you shouldn’t be allowed to watch certain TV shows even on premium channels. Hell, some groups don’t even want you to see certain comic strips because they’re dealing with subjects THEY are uncomfortable with.

These people won’t be happy until we’re all completely miserable. Oh, and until they have full control over every aspect of our lives. I swear, they make me want to light up a cigarette (or a doobie), open a bottle of Wild Irish Rose and watch a dirty movie on my computer while also watching Good Christian Bitches on TV and munching down on a HUGE all meat pizza all while placing a bet on a basketball game with my bookie and getting a hummer from a prostitute.

Okay, maybe that’s a little extreme and “all things in moderation” and some of those things are illegal, but who fucking cares! More than anything else we should be sure not to let these politicians and do-gooders take away our happiness while claiming to be “protecting our liberties”. And, most importantly, we shouldn’t let them doing it in the name of "morality"

Jayman
jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

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Speaking of being happy and we were, Sunday on I’m With Stupid Matt-Man and I brought the happy on “The Feel Good Show!” We talked about people place and things that make us happy. We talked about making other people happy and how that makes us happy. And we even talked about how just seeing our friends happy actually makes us happy.

Try as we might, we couldn’t get anyone to call in and be happy with us, which was a little sad, but we’re professionals so we kept up the feel good attitude all the way through. And, of course we made EVERYONE happy by having another Pee Break with Schmoop segment.

So, help spread the happy by listening early and often. As always, we appreciate your listening.

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Fear and Loathing

The show this week might have been titled “Fear and Loathing” but it turned out to be all “Fun and Hilarity!”  We talked about Phobias and Fears. But, instead of a dark show filled with anxiety, it turned out to be nothing but jocularity. 

The Official Hot Mess of I’m With Stupid, Shine State Shirley called in, and as usual, she kept things lively and kept the conversation moving. And, as if that isn’t enough, Shirley’s exact opposite Mike called in.  Mike’s slow and steady approach to life was the perfect counter-balance to Shirley’s balls-out, full throttle attitude. Add to that mix your always professional hosts and you have a hot, delicious plate of Radio Magic. 

Also, in doing our research, we came across some rare and obscure phobias… 

Pornagraphobia:  The fear that women will expect men to be able to perform the same way men in porno movies can. Results in shrinkage. 

Bamaphobia: The fear that any time you turn on the TV you will be subjected to Emeril Lagasse.

Snotaloaphobia:  An anxiety disorder that happens in some guys when they meet a really attractive girl or have to speak in front of others and their anxiety triggers their allergies and they sneeze 6 or 7 times and snot gets all over their upper lip. 

Billymaysaphobia: The fear of very loud and overly-animated TV pitchmen.

Akwardaphobia:  The fear that at some point during a social gathering you will say something really stupid that results in a long awkward silence and nobody able to even look you in the eye for like an hour. 

Femmemelodramticaphobia: The fear of all things Lifetime Network related. 

Ignoraphobia:  This is where a person logs onto Skype or GTalk or some other messaging site and sees that nobody else is online and is pretty sure that EVERYONE has put them on ignore.

We didn’t really get a chance to discuss them on the show because things were just too wild and crazy. So, our egos demanded that we share our brilliance with you guys here. 

Anyway, we really do highly recommend that you check out this week’s show. It was a really good time. Thank you for your support. 

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And, don’t forget! Next week will be our ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY EXTRAVAGANZA!!!

My Porn Comedy Dream ...

One of the things that might come as a surprise to you is that I’m not a fan of porn.  It bores me.  I don’t find it exciting or anything.  I also actually think it does do more damage to society than most of its proponents are willing to admit.  Porn and MTV are probably the two worst things ever to happen to society. 

But, having said that, it has always been a dream of mine to write, direct and produce a pornographic movie.  Not star in one though. Nobody would watch that.  I have a few people in mind who I think would be great in one though! 

My idea for a great porn movie would be a smart comedy that just happens to be a porno.  It would have the standard girl/girl, girl/guy, guy/guy, blow job, masturbation and orgy scenes that all pornos are required to have. But, it would also be a funny movie with snappy dialog.  I think Gilmore Girls would have made a great porn comedy. 

What’s that? Oh, you’re kind of hung up on that “guy/guy” part. Okay, we’ll take that out if it makes you uncomfortable.  Hee hee … I said “hung.”  But, I do think the comedy idea is a very good one.  Maybe for my first movie I should just go with one girl/girl scene and one girl/guy scene. Put more of the focus on the dialog and superior direction and lighting compared to other porno movies.  Then, after some commercial success, I’ll expend into other genres. 

Anyhoodle, I decided that I need to make a list of the items I’ll need to make this first movie.

- A laptop to write and edit the movie on
- A camera to shoot with.
- Actors and actresses.
- Fruit roll ups and Red Bull for snack time.
- Lube. Lots and lots of lube.
- A room at Motel 6
- A can of Raid
- A Plastic Jesus
- Rubber sheets
- Baby oil
- A dog. What? Dogs are hilarious and always steal every scene they’re in.
- Condoms
- Enzyte. The natural male enhancement.
- Multiple lights and lamps
- A lawyer
- Candles
- Lots of towels and some soap.
- A Fluffer
- Toys
- Music
- A backup camera and extra tripod
- Kleenex and paper towels.

Okay, that’s all I can come up with for now. But, I think I can gather most of those items right here around the luxury estates in Redneckville. We don’t have a Motel 6, but we do have a Super 8 that is stuck in the 70’s.  If nothing else, I can use the Motel 6 up in Springfield. It’s a real dump, so it should be cheap. I think I’ll see if anyone who is part of the local community theater group would like to be in the movie. I think professional porn stars would be too difficult to deal with. And, I want to avoid dealing with a union.

I think I’m off to a pretty good start here. The most difficult thing will be to come up with a good title for the movie. Just like blog posts. 

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
www.twitter.com/jayman_iws

Casey Anthony, Porn, Slavery and Jeter...

It was another EPIC episode of “I'm With Stupid” this morning kids. Today we hit on the hot topics big news of the past week and other fun and exciting things. We thoroughly analyzed the Casey Anthony verdict and determined that a large percentage of the people who were OMG OUTRAGED over the not guilty verdict and big old fucking hypocrites.

We also discussed Tim Pawlenty's outrageous and totally uncalled for (even if totally true) attacks on Michele Bachmann's record. And of course we had a few thoughts on Bachmann and Rick Santorum signing this looney pledge from this group The Family Leader vowing, among other things, to ban pornography AND stating that kids born into slavery were better off than black kids born into “Obama's America.”

Aaaaaaaaaaaand we very professionally analyzed Derek Jeter's 3,000 career hit and the sports media's reaction to him which was something along the lines of “Ohhh Derek we love you sooooooo much!!! Would you bend over and let us kiss your ass non-stop and **kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss** Ohhhh you're so handsome and morally pure too. And so humble. And sooooo cute! Ohhhhh Derek we want to have your babies.”

Then Vinny Bond came on the line and we were just beginning to have a great Tim Tebow vs Derek Jeter discussion when BTR decided we had been on the air long enough. Sorry about that Vinny! But, everyone listen to Music on the Couch every Monday night at 10 pm EDT on Blog Talk Radio! It's a great show.

Anyway, if you'd like to listen, and I know that you would, just use the sweet, aesthetically pleasing BTR radio machine here, or if you're reading via the Google Machine, we've enclosed a link that will magically cause an audio player to appear at the bottom of the page. As always, we appreciate your support and love each and every one of you unconditionally.

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