Host Chopper to the Rescue

Is your web host server always fucked up? Host Chopper to the rescue, the world's only web hosting service with a fucking chopper! Among their other bragging rights:

LICENSED TO KILL!
WE HAVE A HIGHLY TRAINED SQUADRON OF KILLER LINUX PENGUINS READY TO ROUND UP HACKERS AND EXECUTE THEM. ALSO OUR SYSTEM ADMINISTRATORS CARRY GUNS. REAL GUNS WITH BULLETS.

WE'LL FUCK YOU UP!
WEB HOSTING IS WAR. OUR DATACENTERS ARE CONSTANTLY UNDER ATTACK FROM RIVAL HOSTING FACTIONS. We have a strike force of trained killers to protect our data centers from these terrorists. DOES GODADDY HAVE THAT? HELL NO

SAVING YOU MONEY!
WE HAVE A DATACENTER IN THE OCEAN. We can't say which one, for security reasons, BUT WE SAVE A SHITLOAD OF MONEY ON COOLING COSTS. Guess where those savings go? DIRECTLY TO CHOPPER FUEL

Note: They also provide Twitter updates!

WE WILL NOW BE ACCEPTING PINKY FINGERS AND OTHER VALUABLE ORGANS AS A PAYMENT METHOD. 1 LIVER = LIFE TIME HOSTING! ^w
4:10 PM Aug 10th from web

I WILL NOW SANCTION MYSELF FOR NOT USING MY CALLSIGN IN THE LAST POST BY CUTTING OFF MY PINKY FINGER. WHO NEEDS IT?! ^n
3:02 PM Aug 10th from web

HOSTCHOPPER TRANSPORT ALPHA1 JUST HIT BY THE LARGEST CONDOR WE HAVE SEEN SINCE MOTHER'S DAY! OUT OF CONTROL!
1:15 PM Aug 10th from web

SIDE NOTE: FOUR ADMINS AND ONE DEVELOPER WERE PICKED OFF BY WILD COYOTES DURING THEIR NIGHT ON THE HIGHWAY. SHAME ABOUT THAT DEVELOPER. ^i
12:27 PM Aug 10th from web

FINALLY! A STICK OF BUBBLEYUM, 1 ACE OF SPADES & 3 ETHERNET ADAPTORS AND WE'RE BACK ON OUR WAY TO #HOSTINGCON! THANKS ANGUS! FUKYEAH! ^t
11:44 AM Aug 10th from web

UPDATE: IT APPEARS WE ACCIDENTALLY BOUGHT "QUADRUPLE A" INSURANCE. IT WAS A SCAM TARGETING THE ELDERLY. ADMINS STILL WAITING BY HIGHWAY ^i
6:11 AM Aug 10th from web

CHOPPER RAN OUT OF GAS ON THE WAY TO #HOSTINGCON! WAITING ON HIGHWAY SHOULDER FOR AAA... WHAT'S TAKING SO FUKING LONG! ^t
11:08 PM Aug 9th from web

FUKING ASSADMIN WHISKEY JUST BROUGHT WIZARDFUCKER UP FOR 2 MINS! HE'S SINCE BEEN DEMOTED TO ASS 2 THA ADMIN ^t
4:49 PM Aug 9th from web

SERVER MAINTENANCE SCHEDULED FOR 09AUG09. MASS OUTAGES EXPECTED WITH CUSTOMER INTELLIGENCE!!!! ^w
4:03 PM Aug 9th from web

WE'RE AUCTIONING OFF OUR CUSTOMER'S EMAIL ADDYS TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER http://tiny.cc/ch9Fv! SAVINGS PASSED ON DIRECTLY TO THE CONSUMER! ^t
1:48 PM Aug 9th from web

HEY DOUCHEBAG! IF IT'S NOT YOUR WEBSITE WHY ARE YOU CALLING US TO TELL US IT'S DOWN. QUIT WASTING MY VALUABLE POKER PLAYING TIME ^sgt
8:11 AM Aug 9th from web

90% OF CUSTOMER SITES ARE CURRENTLY DOWN. REASON: ETHERNET CABLES WERE MYSTERIOUSLY YANKED OUT OF EVERY SWITCH BECAUSE I WAS BORED. ^i
7:31 PM Aug 8th from web

@sashaleejones TELL NOVEMBER TO KICK ASS ONSTAGE TONIGHT OR HE IS BEING DEMOTED TO TEDDY BEAR STUFFING DUTY! ^t
7:22 PM Aug 8th from web in reply to sashaleejones

@theWHIR DO YOU THINK THEY'LL LET US PARK THE CHOPPER ON THE ROOF OF THE GAYLORD? THAT WOULD BE SICK AS FUK

!