Hola Bitches! A couple of days after Al Gore invented the internets somebody had the brilliant idea to create a personals website. I love web personals. I love to browse through all the personal ads and see all the crazy stuff people write. Mostly though I love to search through them and see if there is anyone I know on there.
I have on a few occasions been browsing through personals sites and come across people that I knew. I came across a couple of co-workers on one site. On another I found the daughter of a co-worker who had an ad that I’m pretty sure her mother would have been embarrassed to see. And, at least twice I found a neighbor’s ad.
Back in the day, I actually tried a few personal ads myself with mixed results. I generally got responses from either young girls (as in 18 or 19 year olds) with at least one and usually two or more kids or lonely MARRIED middle aged stay at home moms. WTF? Otherwise I got no responses at all.
Of course, the worst part of personals is that people tend to, well, lie. It’s important to know what they are saying when they use certain words. For instance:
“Six figure income” – If you count the numbers to the right of the decimal
“Athletic” – Bowls
“Loves to Travel” – Drives up to the state line for a case of PBR and some lottery tickets each weekend.
“Romantic” – Will open your beer for you.
"Spontaneous" - Will go from happy to explosive anger in 3.2 seconds over the littlest things.
"Easy going" - As long as I get my way
"Talkative" - I nag at you all day and night.
"Self-sufficient" - I think I'm better than you.
"Affectionate" - Emotional cripple who gets really possessive.
I'm not all that picky and my ads have always shown that. I don't like age ranges (as long as she's, you know, legal and an adult) or specific height/weight requirements and I certainly never exclude any race, nationality or religion. Basically I only have three requirements:
1. Be able to carry on a decent conversation.
2. Have a sense of humor.
3. Not be batshit crazy.
It's the third one that always gets me.
I’ve only had one time where I got responses from an ad that were negative or attacking me. I made up an ad once on Yahoo where I specified “NO KIDS”. I got several emails telling me what a terrible person I was for saying that. See, that’s where I went wrong. I was trying to be honest. Guess that isn’t what people are looking for nowadays.
I have on a few occasions been browsing through personals sites and come across people that I knew. I came across a couple of co-workers on one site. On another I found the daughter of a co-worker who had an ad that I’m pretty sure her mother would have been embarrassed to see. And, at least twice I found a neighbor’s ad.
Back in the day, I actually tried a few personal ads myself with mixed results. I generally got responses from either young girls (as in 18 or 19 year olds) with at least one and usually two or more kids or lonely MARRIED middle aged stay at home moms. WTF? Otherwise I got no responses at all.
Of course, the worst part of personals is that people tend to, well, lie. It’s important to know what they are saying when they use certain words. For instance:
“Six figure income” – If you count the numbers to the right of the decimal
“Athletic” – Bowls
“Loves to Travel” – Drives up to the state line for a case of PBR and some lottery tickets each weekend.
“Romantic” – Will open your beer for you.
"Spontaneous" - Will go from happy to explosive anger in 3.2 seconds over the littlest things.
"Easy going" - As long as I get my way
"Talkative" - I nag at you all day and night.
"Self-sufficient" - I think I'm better than you.
"Affectionate" - Emotional cripple who gets really possessive.
I'm not all that picky and my ads have always shown that. I don't like age ranges (as long as she's, you know, legal and an adult) or specific height/weight requirements and I certainly never exclude any race, nationality or religion. Basically I only have three requirements:
1. Be able to carry on a decent conversation.
2. Have a sense of humor.
3. Not be batshit crazy.
It's the third one that always gets me.
I’ve only had one time where I got responses from an ad that were negative or attacking me. I made up an ad once on Yahoo where I specified “NO KIDS”. I got several emails telling me what a terrible person I was for saying that. See, that’s where I went wrong. I was trying to be honest. Guess that isn’t what people are looking for nowadays.
I realized that if I were to do this again I really have to come up with a kick ass ad. I’m thinking about trying this one:
"Bitter, broke, overweight and rapidly graying SWM who is going through a midlife crisis and has limited social skills seeks petite, sexy female with low standards and even lower self-esteem."
OR ....
"Sad, self-conscious, introverted SWM with very little direction in life seeks older, attention-starved yet accident prone heiress with a nagging cough."
Yeah. I like my chances too.
"Bitter, broke, overweight and rapidly graying SWM who is going through a midlife crisis and has limited social skills seeks petite, sexy female with low standards and even lower self-esteem."
OR ....
"Sad, self-conscious, introverted SWM with very little direction in life seeks older, attention-starved yet accident prone heiress with a nagging cough."
Yeah. I like my chances too.
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