Hola Bitches! Well, it’s just about that time of year again. It’s almost Holiday Season. Despite the fact that I spend much of the Holiday Season depressed, there is a lot to love about the holidays. I’ve always loved the spirit of the season. I love the festive atmosphere, the decorations, the music, the general happiness and all that great stuff too. Unfortunately, it all starts with my third least favorite day of the year: Halloween.
After my birthday and April Fools’ Day, Halloween is the day I have the least use for. There is very little to like about Halloween. Basically there are only four things I like about Halloween:
1. Candy packaged in variety packs that you can’t get other times of the year.
2. The command performance put on by Jennifer Love Hewitt’s boobs in I Know What You Did Last Summer. They were spectacular.
3. SMARTIES!
4. Said candy variety packs being put on 50% off sale at Dollar General after Halloween is over.
That’s it. That’s the list!
The rest I can do without. I don’t like scary movies. I don’t like costumes. I don’t like spooky shit of any kind. I’m already pissed that I’m going to see 5,000 people post pics of their babies dressed as bumble bees and all will pretend that they are the only ones who thought of it. Not you of course, your kid is cute as hell.
And their dogs! These people even dress their dogs up. Your dog is the one creature on this Earth that loves you unconditionally. He will never let you down. He will never leave you. He would put himself in front of a bullet or a speeding train to save you. And how do you repay him? You dress him up like Harry Potter or an Elf or some other shit. Then you take pics of him and post them on the net for everyone to laugh at and make fun your best, and probably only, friend in the entire world.
Oh sure, I’ll retweet those pics of your dog in his costume. Or I’ll post them on the official I’m With Stupid Tumblr. But, deep inside, I’ll feel really bad for the poor little puppy suffering such humiliation only because his only desire in life is to make you happy.
But, after Halloween is over things will begin to improve. As the days get shorter and colder and the football games get bigger and more meaningful, it will become time to start making Thanksgiving and Christmas plans. Mine are already made, weather permitting, of course. My plans are the same as every year. Thanksgiving with the family in Omaha, NE and a quiet and simple Christmas here in Redneckville, AR.
In between there will be decorating, baking fudge and cookies and watching all my favorite Christmas specials and movies. It’s such a special time of year. Hell, we might even dedicate a whole episode of I’m With Stupid internet radio show to happy shit. Maybe. We’ll see.
But, that’s all in the future still as I have to get through Halloween night first. I’ll put up the blackout curtains and ignore the begging children of Occupy Wall Street people who bang on the door even though my porch light won’t be on or anything like that. Then on Tuesday morning I will go out and see whether or not my car was egged or the air was let out of its tires by kids engaging in a little “mischief.” Only then will I be able to start looking forward to the Holidays and actually smile again.
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Speaking of Halloween, we held out Halloween Creeptacular this weekend on I’m With Stupid. And boy was it! The show opened with a trailer for a soon to be released horror film loosely based on the lives of your humble hosts, Matt-Man and Jayman. Then we engaged in some witty banter, as usual, followed by talking Halloween and taking calls.
And, while Matt and I were bringing the creepy, Dana and Knight called in to bring the sexy! It turned out to be a pretty great show. Especially as Knight watched a certain “inappropriate” video and gave us a little play-by-play of the action. Let’s just say it was HAWT! But, in a totally family-friendly(ish) kind of way.
So, check out the show if you get the chance. We very much appreciate your support and love each and every one of you out there.
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