Tim Tebow Has Returned To Save Us All...

Hola faithful followers! It is I, your savoir, Tim Jesus Christ II Tebow, and I’m here to lead all Denver Broncos fans to the Promised Land. On Monday morning my father God, acting through Broncos coach John Fox named me the starting quarterback. All your prayers have been answered.

On Sunday, Oct 23, I will travel across America to the city of the Jews, Miami. Along the way crowds will gather and cheer with glee, singing songs of praise and pleading to be saved.  Then, despite the fact that there will be many doubters there, and may people who seek to do me harm, I shall ride the on the shoulders of Ryan Clady, who is hung like a donkey, past the palm trees and into the stadium.

Man, it’s gonna be a beautiful day. I can’t wait. Did you see that comeback I made against the Chargers this last Sunday? It would have been complete if Brother Brandon Lloyd hadn’t dropped that two point conversion.

At first I was angry. I know it’s wrong to express anger in that manner, but defying me the way Lloyd did is unacceptable. I, like my biggest disciple Skip Bayless, believed that Lloyd dropped that two point conversion on purpose. He betrayed me. Dude gave me the football version of the Judas Kiss right there in the end zone.

But, then I realized that wasn’t the case. No, Brandon didn’t want to drop that pass. He had no control over it. He didn’t have a crisis of faith as I feared. He tried to the best of his ability, but just couldn’t quite haul it in. And why, couldn’t he make the catch?

EL DIABLO! That’s why.

The Devil himself took over Brandon’s hands and forced him to drop that pass. It’s the only explanation. I was being tested. And I passed that test. Just like the person who took my tests at the University of Florida for me passed all those tests. Once again I showed the world that I cannot be defeated by evil.

I cannot promise that we will make to the Super Bowl this year. For our journey will be long. There will be many great challenges along the way. But, if you keep me in your hearts and never lose faith, then we will make it someday. You’ve just got to believe.

Pay no attention to people like Merril Hoges. The doubters. The people who seek to diminish me and who I am in your eyes. There will be many of them. Most will come in the form of so-called “football experts.” They will say that I have bad mechanics, which is 100% not true. My new Mercedes has a maintenance plan with it and the mechanics at the dealership are outstanding.

They will say I have bad footwork. Again, not true. I’ve been working on both the Tango and the Pasodoble with Karina Smirnoff of Dancing with the Stars to improve my skills and make me lighter on my feet.  So, remember my brothers and sisters, they don’t know what they’re saying when they speak ill of me.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

God Bless.
Tim Jesus Christ II Tebow

P.S. If you feel the need to contact me, you may do so through Brother Jayman
jayman3768@gmail.com
www.twitter.com/Jayman_IWS